Grief during holidays

[B-flat]

Some of us may have lost loved ones, whether a friend or family member, during the holidays which makes it even more difficult during this time. Yesterday, the fiddle player in our bluegrass & country band lost his battle with cancer. We have the wake and then the funeral the next day. The band members, spouses and significant others will leave the wake and  practice the 4 songs to be played at the funeral. It's a very sad time and very hard on all of us. I wonder if there are others here that want to share the loss of someone special and how things are going at this time, even if the loss happened during the holidays in the past.

[Acts 2:38 girl]

The other day I picked up the slide projector from my Mom's house and watched old slides with the kids of my Mom family growing up.  My Grandfather was an AWESOME man, fought in WWII, recieved the Purple Heart and other metals, and was shot throught the lower leg in combat.  Just seeing thier young family on vacation, during Christmas and Weddings made me so reminicent.  Funny how quickly time goes by and the things that seem so important really don't matter if you can see yourself in 50 years.  Will we care about all the "fluff" arguments then?  Or that annoying thing my son is doing almost EVERY day, or that for the third time the clutch went on the truck?  It really helped get things into perspective for me.  I miss both my Grandparents so much, but I still have people in my life I can love as much and help them out.  I've never lost a parent, sibling, or child, so I don't feel the pain that others who have lost have during the holidays.  But it does help me to deeply appreciate the love ones I have and the precious time we have together.  I love the Holidays because it helps me remember.  :S

[NightOwl]

Both of my parents died in November, and 22 years ago today, I lost my mother quite suddenly.  She had always been not only my mother, but my dearest friend and confidante.  Those of you who are truly close to your own mother will understand when I say I have never really gotten over her loss and know I never will.  Intellectually and spiritually I can accept it, but emotionally--well, I still feel like a motherless child. The holidays are always hard for me and now, your friends' family will always feel a cloud over their hearts at Thanksgiving, Nancy, and my thoughts go out to them in their grief.

Andrea, you are so lucky to have those films of your grandparents--how wonderful that you are wise enough to cherish your daily life now even though it may be very demanding and exhausting sometimes.

[topcat7736]

My dad died in November, 1992 and it was tough on my mom during the first Thanksgiving and Xmas without him. Time moves on though and each year it becomes easier as you become a smaller & closer group or family.

[Steve-o-bud]

I've always felt that Thanksgiving is the most family oriented holiday of them all, and a time to reflect on the goodness of those who are here with us, and those who are not.

My Grandmother passed away in October two years ago. Thanksgiving was her most treasured holiday. She had come from Europe after the war, and had pulled through quite a bit of adversity, and she had much that she was thankfull for.
 
Today, I recalled the many feasts that we had, and the pride she took in them, and in the love she had for us, her grandchildren. In her heyday, she would have 20 or more people over to her house, and she pretty much did the meals single handedly. She made sure to prepare all of our favorite dishes.

So, I had a few moments of melancholy, but, then I look at my folks, and my in-laws, and am thankfull they are still with us, and are able to enjoy their grandchildren.

[angelsmom10]

As some of you know, I lost my father in December 1987 to suicide.  Still to this day, I wonder if I may have brought it on as I had just asked for him to go to court with me to get custody of my 1st daughter (previous marriage) as they had finally realized how much my "X" lied and caused problems with my family (they believed him and took him and my DD in - my only concern at the time was that my DD had a roof over her head and my family had sided with him and wouldn't even listen/believe me).
 
My father had left a short note, but no as to "why" - I have come to the realization that I will never know why, but I still wonder.
 
And yes the holidays are still hard -- they will always be hard, but you start to get on and every year, the sadness starts to get easier and more memories return.

[NightOwl]

As some of you know, I lost my father in December 1987 to suicide.  Still to this day, I wonder if I may have brought it on as I had just asked for him to go to court with me to get custody of my 1st daughter
 
My father had left a short note, but no as to "why" - I have come to the realization that I will never know why, but I still wonder.
 
And yes the holidays are still hard -- they will always be hard, but you start to get on and every year, the sadness starts to get easier and more memories return.

Nancy, several of our friends have either committed suicide or tried to; their reasons are so varied--it is never just one thing, of course, and also, often, their reasons are totally NOT "reasonable" to anyone else  But the reasons are very real to them at the time.  It makes  life very sad for those left behind, but clearly you are coming to terms with losing him and gooing on as he would want you to..

Sometimes I hear my mother's voice saying something loving to me and like the rest of you, I realize that our loved ones are never really gone as long as we hold sweet memories of them in our hearts.

And Steve-o-bud, I bet your family carries on many of your grandmother's  wonderful traditions--in this way, you keep her with you and her love continues  to touch your lives in a very real way.

[B-flat]

The memories of our fiddle playing friend will linger in my mind forever....all those wonderful fiddle tunes and the things he could do with that instrument!  Those tunes will always play through my head.  If you never get onto a tune and it carries through your head, then you don't know what you are missing!  He was a true musician with so much talent but it was his time to leave us.

 
I also remember my grandparents and many things they said and did for me.  The traditions have carried on for many years.

[labontefan]

My dad passed away on Christmas Eve two years ago. He was 86 and had been suffering from emphysema for years, but it was still a shock. He apparently had a stroke. The only good thing about the timing was that my brother and sister-in-law (who live 8 hrs. away) were already here for the holidays. So we were all with him the last few hours.

Less than 10 months later (October, 2002), my mom passed away. I really wasn't expecting that. She was 84 (just about a week shy of her 85th birthday), but always seemed younger than her years. She grieved for Daddy so much...they had been married for 62 1/2 years. I think she just wore herself out the last several years taking care of him.

Needless to say, the last two Thanksgivings have been a little rough, as was last Christmas. Last year I spent Thanksgiving with some friends. This year I visited my mom's sister's family in Knoxville, TN, which is only about 3 hours away. (Just got back about an hour ago.) It was really nice...lots of cousins and "kinfolk"!

Last Christmas I went to Pittsburgh to visit my brother. We tried to do things as differently as possible for Christmas (he and his wife usually came home to VA). It made it a lot easier.

Not sure about this Christmas, though--don't think I can get enough time off to make the trip to PA. But my aunt and cousins in Knoxville said I have a standing invitation to spend all holidays with them!

Losing friends and family members anytime is tough--but it just seems worse when it's around holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

One of the things that has really kept my spirits up the last year or so is my pop-up and the trips I've taken in it. I moved back in with my parents several years ago (partly to help them out and partly because I had gotten laid off from my job of 17 years). So I spent a lot of time helping out, especially with my mom the last several months before she died.

I had picked out my pop-up and signed the papers about two weeks before my mom died. She was in a skilled care facility at the time getting some therapy. When I got back from the dealer, I went to visit my mom. I had a brochure from the dealer that had pictures and a floorplan of the Utah. She was really interested in it and seemed to be excited for me. Anytime one of the nurses or aides would come in the room, she'd call them over to show them the brochure. That made me feel good!

I used some of the money that my parents left me to pay off my camper, so I kinda feel like it was a "gift" from them. Makes it just that much more special!

[B-flat]

Ann, You really do have a very special camper and will think of them when you takes trips. They might just be there smiling at you on those trips.
 
Don't forget that grief is also tough when we lose the pets we love. My little Taffi died in August of this year. She was 18 and I still miss her very much and remember many of the cute things she did and what a great companion she was to me.

[Steve-o-bud]

My dad passed away on Christmas Eve two years ago. He was 86 and had been suffering from emphysema for years, but it was still a shock. He apparently had a stroke. The only good thing about the timing was that my brother and sister-in-law (who live 8 hrs. away) were already here for the holidays. So we were all with him the last few hours.

Less than 10 months later (October, 2002), my mom passed away. I really wasn't expecting that. She was 84 (just about a week shy of her 85th birthday), but always seemed younger than her years. She grieved for Daddy so much...they had been married for 62 1/2 years. I think she just wore herself out the last several years taking care of him.

Needless to say, the last two Thanksgivings have been a little rough, as was last Christmas. Last year I spent Thanksgiving with some friends. This year I visited my mom's sister's family in Knoxville, TN, which is only about 3 hours away. (Just got back about an hour ago.) It was really nice...lots of cousins and "kinfolk"!

Last Christmas I went to Pittsburgh to visit my brother. We tried to do things as differently as possible for Christmas (he and his wife usually came home to VA). It made it a lot easier.

Not sure about this Christmas, though--don't think I can get enough time off to make the trip to PA. But my aunt and cousins in Knoxville said I have a standing invitation to spend all holidays with them!

Losing friends and family members anytime is tough--but it just seems worse when it's around holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

One of the things that has really kept my spirits up the last year or so is my pop-up and the trips I've taken in it. I moved back in with my parents several years ago (partly to help them out and partly because I had gotten laid off from my job of 17 years). So I spent a lot of time helping out, especially with my mom the last several months before she died.

I had picked out my pop-up and signed the papers about two weeks before my mom died. She was in a skilled care facility at the time getting some therapy. When I got back from the dealer, I went to visit my mom. I had a brochure from the dealer that had pictures and a floorplan of the Utah. She was really interested in it and seemed to be excited for me. Anytime one of the nurses or aides would come in the room, she'd call them over to show them the brochure. That made me feel good!

I used some of the money that my parents left me to pay off my camper, so I kinda feel like it was a "gift" from them. Makes it just that much more special!

I had heard from someone recently that they had inherited money from an aunt. There was a stipulation: It could ONLY be used for something recreational. No paying bills, no putting it in the bank, etc. Just something to have fun with. The person used the money to purchase a camper.

I'm sure that your mom's spirit is with you, enjoying the pop-up, whenever you go out.