From The Desk 0f S. Claus

[byrdr1]

:XMas FROM THE DESK 0F S. CLAUS:XMas  

 
 
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve
the states of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina,
Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve. Due
to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the
new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so
keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good
hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin,
 Bubba Joe Claus.
His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal
of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few
differences between us:
 
 
 

 1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Joe
Claus because he has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
reads, "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson".
 
 
 
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Joe Claus prefers that children leave
an RC Cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba Joe
Claus doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an
empty spit can handy.
 
 
 
3. Bubba Joe Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba Joe Claus'
fireplace.
 
 
 
4. You won't hear, "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen" when Bubba
Joe Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, Andretti, on Elliott
and Petty :W  
 
 
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" You also are likely to hear
Bubba Joe Claus' elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
 
 
 
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Joe Claus' sleigh does have a
Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words, "Back Off".
 
 
 
. 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and
"It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and " Smokey and the Bandit
IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Joe Claus and dozens of state patrol
cars crashing into each other. And Finally,
 
 
 
8. Bubba Joe Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure your
wife and kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under
the tree.
 
 
 
Sincerely yours,
 
Santa Claus

[luvourjayco]

LOL thanks for the giggle when I needed it most.

[MommaMia]

:rolleyes:

[tlhdoc]

 :p    :J  :XMas

[B-flat]

ROTFLOL. However, #4 need to be edited to include "on Martin.":D

[Miss-Teri]

Now how in the world did Oklahoma miss out on Bubba Joe?  

[jpreiser]

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Joe Claus prefers that children leave
an RC Cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba Joe
Claus doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an
empty spit can handy.




Please make sure the pork rinds are SOFT!! Santa has a hard time chewing with just that one tooth!!

[NightOwl]

Oh, Randy, THIS IS PRICELESS!  I will be up late tonight sending it on to a bunch of friends and relatives.  

(And I love jpreiser's suggestion of soft pork rinds on acount of the single tooth.  Cant you just picture Bubba Jo gummin' that bag of poke rinds?  :J  whilst the houn's  try to jump up and  get a few crumbs for themselves?)

[B-flat]

..And to think that some people don't even believe in Santa Claus!  This one beats the one about the elves going on strike, too.