ugh....my folks!

[Camperroo]

You know I just love my folks, but as they are getting older they are driving me a bit nutsy!!!  My dad is a complainer....restaurants...food is always awful, service lousy, however, when he grocery shops his brand he buys is always the best, mine is always the worst, driving - god help the people ahead of them...they're lousy drivers or too slow, etc.  Now they are pretty comfortable in lifestyle built a beautiful home in FL and bought a new car, but yet you flip on a light in their house and they are right behind you to flip it off!!!  Now today my mom calls to ask if I have a Boston phone book, well I don't live in Boston itself so I told her I didn't have one.  She couldn't believe I didn't have it, so I told her why be so shocked after all she didn't have one either.  She's trying to find a phone number of a cousin for my aunt.  Why my aunt can't look it up I don't know.  So next I tell her to have dad go online and check out the white pages to find the cousin.  Then I ask her what info she has, well she gives me the name, street and town!!!!!!!!!  So I simply tell her to call information to get the number.  Well....she won't do it because it's a charge to call information and get the number!!!!!!!!  Oh please give me patience!!!!!!!!!!!   I told her she's already spent that on just calling me out of town to look for the number but she stood fast on refusing to call information she and dad don't want to have pay for info it's a waste of money!!!!!!!  :rolleyes:

Ok, thanks for that vent...love my folks but there are times I just shake my head and let the answering machine pick up instead!!!!!!!!!!!  

[campingboaters]

I SO know how you feel.  My parents won't turn the heat on very much in the winter and they watch my youngest.  At the end of the day, she will typically have 4-5 layers of clothes on (onesie, long underwear, turtle neck, stretchy pants and a HEAVY fleece outfit or blanket sleeper with TWO pairs of socks).  HOW she ever learned to walk is beyond my comprehension!  I've offered to help with their utilities if that is the issue, but they just say that my dad LIKES to walk around the house in his winter coat ALL DAY LONG!
 
My mother LOVES to criticize!  We are re-doing our kitchen one weekend at a time.  EVERY week, she asks, "Aren't you done YET!?" instead of, heaven forbid,  "Wow, you got A LOT done this weekend!"  It drives me absolutely BONKERS.  I can only remember ONE time that my mother actually gave me a compliment.  I was pregnant with my first daughter and she liked the outfit I was wearing.  
 
I keep telling my DH to SHOOT ME if I turn out like that with my kids!  So far, so good... DH says I'm safe.

[Calstate361]

Yes, I can really relate also.  

When I was a teenager, for summer vacation, we would go to North Dakota where my Dad's parents lived.  My Grandpaw would turn the water heater off so that Grandma would have to boil water on the stove to do dishes.  My Dad would get so mad at him and tell him it takes more energy to reheat the water heater than to leave it on.   Well, now that my Dad is 85 years old, he does almost the same thing.  He turns the water heater down so low that they have to turn it back up about a half hour before they want to do dishes or take a bath.
 
The latest thing is that since my Mother has demention (and other problems)so bad we have had to place her in a convalescent home because my Dad just can't take care of her.  March 5th was her 82nd birthday and all of us (Grandkids and Great Grandkids, the whole bunch of us) all wanted to get together and take her to get some pizza that evening (it was a Friday night).  Well my Dad himmed and hawed all week not letting us know what he wanted to do so then on Thursday afternoon when I finally got in contact with him (he wasn't calling me back, he's never home) he said he was going to take Mom to dinner at this one particular Truck Stop at 2:30 in the afternoon because he could get a FREE dinner for her.   I was so upset with him and told him so.  I told him that none of us would be able to go because we all had to work.  He said he didn't care, they were goning for the FREE dinner at 2:30 on Friday.   I was so mad at him I had to get off the phone so I wouldn't say anything I would regret.   So none of us got to see her on her Birthday.  I did send her a dozen red carnations (her favorite flowers).   When I saw her a few days later I told her what happened.  She was not happy because she wanted to be with everyone.  Anyway, I asked her if my Dad got her anything else for her Birthday and she said no.   My Dad irritates me to no end.  He is so cheap he can't even get her anything besides a FREE dinner.   This is only the latest, you wouldn't believe what else he does.
 
VENTING OVER......
 
 
Joan

[Camperroo]

yup I can identify with both of you.  I realize of course for those who lost parents we are very lucky...but still when they bug you...they bug you!!!!  As for the mom thing..definitely...just last week she told I needed a haircut I looked terrible.  Mind you I just had my hair cut.  I grew out a short cut to shoulder length now which I love and just had it trimmed.  But mom likes me with short short hair, so nothing else will look good to her!!  The water heater story made me laugh because my dad...everytime he comes here to visit...sneaks down to the basement and turns our water heater way down!!!!!!!!!!!   Makes my husband absolutely furious!!!!!!!!!!!   I've called dad and told him repeatedly it's not his house and he doesn't have the right to go downstairs behind our backs and turn down our water heater all the time!!!!!!!  He just says we don't know how to save our money.    Hubby says he'd rather pay the extra few cents to have a hot shower vs. a cold shower after work!!But what you have to understand is my folks don't hesitate to spend what they want for stuff they really want...like mom ordering all custom valances for her new home vs. just going to the store and picking out some nice things...custom is super expensive and dad trades in his car which was only a few years old for a much more expensive brand new one.  Yet if we did it, they'd be the first ones on the phone telling us how stupid we are for doing it!!!!!!!!!   I invited them over for our son's bday and my dad told me he hoped I wasn't making the same cake for our son as I did for my husband as he thought the cake was awful!!!!   Can you say....HHHHEEEEELLLLLPPPPP.  Mind you everyone, the cake was just a Pillsbury yellow cake mix and Betty Crocker chocolate frosting....something my folks made all the time when we were kids.  I wanted to swat him one!!!!

oh the list can go on....c'mon lets vent for the fun of it.  We love em, we're lucky to have em but who says we still can't admit what they do doesn't drive us bonkers at times!!!!!!!!!

[birol]

I have similar problems with my parents ..... They never listen to us, and never think of the future, and now we are all paying for it. I had a nice condo unit in Izmir where my two brothers live, and a summer cottage/condo combination in a toawn 40 miles away from izmir. They used to live in the cottage, they liked it. 8 years ago, we needed to sell one of them to get some money as we had immigrated here and needed the cash to purchase something here. Thinking of future I begged them to move to the condo, as it had heating, second floor nice view unit, close to brothers, in a very nice part of the city. They got mad at me saying I want them to move out of their house and blah blah blah. It just was that they were getting old and he couldn't drive much longer and it would be best to their sons, 5 minutes drive. I was the worst son they ever had. I got upset and told them, ok stay at the cottage, fine, I will send the condo and did so in no time. Now that they are 78, driving is not that easy and they want to  move to the city. But the prices are now sky high, condo gone, and no one can afford to purchase a house for them anymore, so they are stuck so far away from anyone who can help them. If only they had listened to me, and moved everything would be so nice. being away all my adult life from them, I always tried to help them with everything but when something goes really wrong, I can never be there quickly, and now no one can.

And to boot, My father lets my mom freeze every winter, the lowest of the lowest at the electric heaters is the best he can do .... I guess, I see a pattern here ..... so don't criticize the elders too much, we will probably be just like them This obviously crosses boundaries of countries/religion/race/nations/continents  

[Gone-Camping]

Well Jeeez you guys, I really feel for ya! I thought my family was dysfunctional, but reading some of this stuff almost makes me feel normal again!!!

At any rate, enjoy what you can of them while they are still there for you. Both my parents passed away years ago, niether of them lived to be 60 (both smokers). Ya never know what ya got until it's gone!!!

[jpreiser]

My mom does "funny" stuff too. She drives me CRAZY with all her washed out plastic bags. Bread bags, grocery bags, and zip locks. She just keeps re using them over and over...

[B-flat]

I don't have the problems you mention here.  My parents are deceased.  I do remember that they were a bit "set in their ways" and some things would bug me about their "habits" but I just let them be.  Now, my X's parents....another story.  Both were into their 80's and MIL had onset of Alz big time.  One day I went to check on them and take a meal and the whole house was filled with smoke.  She had forgotten something on the stove and FIL was just sitting in his easy chair in the living room saying that MIL was just having a bad hair day.  I said something about getting the windows open and some fresh air in before someone suffocated.  Then, I just went on and opened the doors and windows, turned on bathroom vent fans, kitchen vent fan and aired the whole place out.  She would walk the whole neighborhood and talk to everyone.  It got to the point where she walked too much and finally she had to be put in a nursing home where they had trouble keeping her from walking.  FIL finally suffered a heart attack and passed away.  Before that time they would get into many discussions on how they would save more money.  They would keep the heat really low and layer their clothes.  Now this living in the South where the winters are very mild compared to Mass.  No amount of explaining would get them to stop adjusting the thermostat up and down which was the cause of higher bills.  Yep, growing old is the pits for some.  One thing I'll never do is save cottage cheese cartons to store leftovers like grandma did.  Some people never got over the depression and therefore have to have lots of stuff and never throw anything away.  :eek:

[campingboaters]

I totally agree that I'm fortunate to even have parents at this point in my life.  I'm so grateful to have them, that I spend A LOT of time with them.  Plus, being the only daughter out of 6 kids, I get to deal with them WAY more than my brothers ever would, BUT MY children have the most wonderful relationship with my parents -- more so than any of the other grandchildren.  My parents imigrated here from Brazil, so I never had grandparents (they were still in Brazil).  I am SO grateful to my parents for being there for my children that they can annoy me as much as they want -- but I'm still going to gripe about it to strangers, and not them!  

[julecav]

It's always got to be something with the heat doesn't it.  My parents are still relatively young but I see a lot of my grandmother in what you are saying.  She isn't hurting for $ but does some odd stuff.  She keeps her heat low in the winter and wears layers and a sweater.  I yelled at her this year because she paid the company that delivers her oil to do a tuneup on her furnace when that's what DH does for a living and told her that he would do it and it would cost her about 15 bucks for the nozzle and filter.  We also get Christmas presents wrapped in cereal boxes that she saves all year.  It's actually quite amusing opening up a gift to find a box of bran cereal!  She is actually a pretty cool old gal who at 81 years young still drives around town in her red convertible.  I think it's because people that age grew up in the depression era that they are still so frugal.  Regardless even though you may want to strangle them you gotta love 'em!

[Camperroo]

any grandma that drives around at 81 in a red convertible is A OK with me!!  What a cool granny!!  It's definitely a generational thing...I think...I don't remember my folks being so annoying growing up but wow do I feel like running when I see my dad coming up the walk  You gotta know him to love him!!!!  Stopped by today to tell me what a stupid buy my brother made on his new mattress, that he didn't take his advice and order from the internet vs. the furniture store....because the one he ordered via internet was the absolute best...in his opinion.  I was also making an apple pie while he was here and as I was wrapping tin foil around the edges to keep them from overbrowning...he told me of course that I was wasting tin foil, he measures it and cuts it with scissors so it fits perfectly and he doesn't waste anything!!  He told me I was no Martha Stewart!!!!   Nothing warmer than dad coming to visit!!!  LOL

[B-flat]

Tell your dad that you are glad you are not a Martha Stewart.  :eek:  :Z  :J

[birol]

My wife always accuses me of wasting the plastic saran wrap and aluminum foil .....  Yeah I over use it little bit, but at least the stuff I wrap doesn't open up half way to where it is supposed to go  :J  :eek:  :W