Parenting Humor

[Kelly]

I've posted this before, but I just came across it again and thought it would be fun to review ...[/font]

The Evolution of Parenting

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.

Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them,and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.




Please add some funny parenting stories or jokes of your own!

[jpreiser]

This is so true.... I was the youngest of five children, there are only a few pictures of me and my baby book has about 2 pages filled out...
as long as i was at the dinner table they knew i made it thru another day !!!

[campincrew]

How about this...
Your first baby- you take hundreds of rolls of film, documenting every incredible milestone and neatly arrange them in albums-Creative memories loves you!

Baby 2-You take lots of pictures and put them in a drawer to be arranged some day.

Baby3- You take some pictures, never develop the film and rely upon the annual school pictures to document their precious lives.

That's us!  I have about 50 rolls of film that still need processing.
 

[Kelly]

This is so true.... I was the youngest of five children, there are only a few pictures of me and my baby book has about 2 pages filled out...
as long as i was at the dinner table they knew i made it thru another day !!!

LOL ~ I actually know someone who was part of a very large family and read all through Thanksgiving Dinner one year.  Came downstairs and asked "When's dinner?"   Apparently stunned quite a few family members who didn't realize he hadn't been at dinner!

[cb]

When I was 2 yrs old, my mom went 4 miles down the road to help my Grandma prepare Christmas dinner.  My father was to follow, along with my 5 older siblings, after I had napped.  He got all the other kids into the car, left me home in the crib, and went off to Grandma's!  After a while, my Mom asked where I was....then the mad dash home to get me.  I was blissfully asleep in my little bed!!  In these days, Child Protective Services would have been after him.

[Firefyter-Emt]

OMG... That is sooo true!!  BUT, add the 4th being a girl after 3 boys.. Lot's of little changes. Dress up & hair clipies?? Cute dresses?? Yea, it's fun!

[NCSunshine]

My 10 year old DD has decided that taking a bath or a shower is just too much trouble.  This past Sunday she got up before I did, the night before I told her to take a bath in the morning.  When I got up she had a towel wrapped around her hair, but something didn't look just right.

I ask her if she got her shower, she said she had.  I want to see your hair I told her.  She took the towel loose and rubbed her hair, and then showed me her hair.  Just as I suspected, she still had hay left in her hair from the hay ride the night before.  

I told her to get her shower, and that if she thought I had forgotten about doing stuff like that when I was her age she was wrong.  I remember them very well.  

At first DH got mad about her lying, then I ask him "How many times did you lie to your mother about taking a bath?"  He never said another word.  Oh, what kids will do, makes life fun though.