What do you give your kids for the Holidays?

[GeneF]

Our two kids are older, ds is married and dd has had the same bf for 5 years.

Come the holidays, the best gift we give them is no pressure to be in our house for the holidays.

DS and his DW are coming for Thanksgiving but have to leave early to go to meet her dad and his family at a restaurant.  DS asked if this is okay, we said go ahead.

On Xmas, DS has asked if we would mind opening presents as a family around noontime.  His MIL has requested that he and his dw be at her house to open presents in the morning.  Sure, we can wait.

DD wants to spend a couple of days at Bf's house but be home for Thanksgiving.  BF to come for dessert.  Sure, no problem.
DD and BF are in colleges in NH and FL and don't see each other that often.

Why do we do this?  Simply because DW and I remember how pressured we felt to be at a relative's home at a certain time. How hard it was to travel with two small kids, pack the car, pack the clothes for an overnight, etc.  While we enjoyed it, we were stressed out.  We were generally on the road for three days visiting.

So even though we love having our kids with us on the holidays, our goal is to enjoy them for the time that they can give us and, hopefully, with less stress.

And Yes, our kids have told us how much they appreciate this.

Happy Holidays

[fallsrider]

Both mine and my DW's families are very easy to work with around the holidays. Neither gets their feather's ruffled if schedules don't work out perfectly to someone's liking. It makes for a much more relaxed time this time of year.

My parents got their 5th and 6th grandchild this year, and grandchild #5, along with his sister who is grandchild #4, will not be able to make it for Thanksgiving. The other 4 will be there. But my parents understand, and there are no hard feelings. We all will get to be together the weekend before Christmas, though.

[AustinBoston]

I have to say I'm with you on this.  PJay and I have put no pressure on either of our girls to be here for Christmas.  Both have decided to do so this year, which is a very happy thing for us.  Far better for them to want to be here than for them to be pressured into it.

PJay and I were not normally pressured to be anywhere, but there were times when we personally felt "obligated" to be with her folks for Christmas when we were with my Mom for Thanksgiving.  For us, that meant an 8-9 hour trip each way when the kids were small.  We would often leave after work, which meant arriving at midnight or 1 am and crashing.

My mother tried to get everyone in one place at some time near the holidays, and would run up her phone bill trying to find a time that worked for everyone.  But she was trying to make it work for all of us, not trying to get us to fit her time.  She was usually successful, with just my older brother sometimes not being there (he lived the farthest, and travelled a lot on business, so sometimes he just wanted to be home).

Austin

[TroutBum]

Gene...

Wise choice on not putting pressure on your DS & DD to not have to be home at the holidays.  As Princess Leia said to the Emperor in Star Wars, "the more you tighten your grip, the more will slip through your fingers".  

The holidays are hell for me and DW trying to satisfy my mother (who lives in Ohio) and we resent every minute and the stress it puts on our lives.  

Conversely, my in-laws put no expectations on us and consequently we love spending time with them.

When we have a child (hopefully by the next time the holidays roll around - we have "pulled the goalie" and are playing with an empty net) there is going to be one grandmother who will be disappointed and one who won't be.  We will spend just enough time with my mother to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror and say we did our best, and the other will be a loving part of our lives.

[Gunny_Frost]

My DS is 14 and my DD is 12. One set of grandparents get them every Friday night throughout the year :-() .

I have already sent new packs and Tevas (for next summers vacation) home for the kids this Christmas. They will get to open them on the 25th, but DW wants to have a little X-Mas party the end of January when I go home for 3 weeks with just us.

Enjoy the holidays.

[Miller Tyme]

My sister and her hubby alternate holidays. If they spend Thanksgiving with his parents, then they spend Christmas with her family. Then they alternate every year. Seems to work for them.:XMas

[ScouterMom]

I grew up outside of Milwaukee, WI - my maternal grandparents both passed on before I was born - but my paternal grandparents liveed in Toledo OH.  I LOVED visiting them - but do remember that I had to leave all my new toys behind, and make a long 8 -9 hour trip every christmas, to see them when I was young.

I slept in the car.  ALOT.

When my ex and I were first married - MY folk's were very flexible.  There policy was to go TO wherever the small kids were - on the theory that it was easier for them to travel than for the young parents to travel with all the kid's baggage. I was the youngest, my brother and his wife are 10 yrs older than me. So we usually gathered at my brother's house - he had 3 young kids.  I was very close to my neices and nephew - and to my brother and his wife.  In fact, I lived with them for 6 months before we got married. But My Ex's Mom thought the world revolved around HER.  We had to do Xmas Eve, and every holiday with HER, and follow HER schedule, and HER traditions.  We had to drive to the south side of Chicago, (after working retail all day) in holiday traffic.  His folks lived an hour south of us, & could have driven up and seen us anytime - but WE always had to go see THEM. While my folks lived 4 hrs away and THEY came to see US.  I spent too many years trying to make my MIL happy. It was an impossible task.

Then my son was born - after the first year trying to buzz around and see everyone with a 6  month old and baggage in tow,I put my foot down and said, "No!"
I was tired of having Christmas eve in a Catholic church! I'm Lutheran!  I got alot of flak - even my brother's family continued to expect us to come to THEIR house, even though THEIR kids were now in Jr high and high school! My feeling is that Holidays are for KIDS. While Jon was young, He was going to have his holidays at HOME, where he was comfortable. Anyone was welcome to come see him - we'd go elsewhere before and after the holiday, but Christmas eve and Christmas day,  Easter sunday, Jon's birthday - those are for JON to enjoy, and anyone who wants to see him enjoy the holiday can come HERE.

People grumbled.  and then they got over it.  Jon has always been the kind of kid who has to open each gift and play with it thoroughly before going on the the next one - it literally takes him DAYS to get thru christmas and birthday gifts! Jon is also ADHD and things worked much better for him in his own environment when things got 'overstimulating'.

Mike and I divorced in 94, and I had to legally split holidays anyway.  but at least it was scheduled way in advance, and it was fair. (even years Mike got Christmas Eve and I got Christmas Day, and odd years we switched - Mike's mom just had to live with it.) and on 'my' holidays with Jon, we stayed home and family came to us if they could.  

Jon had a number of years to experience racing around with Mike's family & his new wife's family, compared to the calm of being at home.  Mike gave up all overnight visitation when Jon was about 12, and Jon says he's glad he doesn't have to do all that racing around anymore.  yesterday, for a change, he did go down to thanksgiving dinner with his dad &  half brothers ; to his paternal grandparents, (who are florida snowbirds now and usually long gone by halloween). He came back saying he was realy glad he didn't have to do that every year! (and annoyed that his dad didn't start the 2 hr drive home until 11 pm last night!)

The weekend before Christmas, we will get together with my brother's family, after christmas, we may go up to see my BF's daughters and grandkids.  But Christmas itself, we will be home, going to our OWN church Christmas Eve, and staying at home on Christmas day.

Laura