Sending Old Men Off To War

[NightOwl]

(A friend just sent me this.   I've never posted (re-posted) anything like this here  before but thought it offered an interesting approach and a chuckle or two--and when it comes to war, chuckles are  way few.)


Sending Old Men Off To War

If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those
responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City
and  Washington, DC But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too
old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds
off  to fight, they ought to take us old guys.

You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. ! Old
guys  only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that
28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier
is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them
into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote
control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy,
on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's
35 and a jaunt through the desert! heat with a backpack and M-60 would do
wonders for the old beer belly .

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up
early  every morning to pee.

If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd
probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a  real brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting
screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food.  We've also
developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them
almost  better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in
combat  and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side,
nor  did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.  I can hear
the  Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."
I havent ever posted anything like this here before, but thought it made some good points
And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen
anyone   outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning
to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without
the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out.  He's
still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles,
and  that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture
an  eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little
more  about life before sending them off to possible death.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our
hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see
right  now is a couple of million old coots with attitudes.

[Gone-Camping]

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting
screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also
developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them
almost better than naps.

Let me add one thing please....
Most of us old coots have spent years being married, and we now have the ability to completely ignore being screamed & yelled at, as a matter of fact, we're probably ammune to it...

[Miss-Teri]

Let me add one thing please....
Most of us old coots have spent years being married, and we now have the ability to completely ignore being screamed & yelled at, as a matter of fact, we're probably ammune to it...

Ah, which leads to the fact you're used to sleeping in the doghouse, so a nice desert floor wouldn't bother you at all!  

[topcat7736]

Where's the mess tent???  :confused:

[Gone-Camping]

We'll still need at least a couple of the younger guys around, someone has to dig the latrine!!! (I'd probably have a cardiac before it got half-way!)

[cruiserpop]

us old farts are the wise ones who spend most of our time figurin out how to educate them 18 yr olders fast enough to keep em alive in nasty situations, and the best ways to employ them without getten them killed  when their country calls. we also make em smart enough to question those in that great capital city who we are called on to vote for onece ever few years. yes, we wish we were the ones humpin iin the boonies, sniffin out the bad guys, but the legs and the reflexes ain 't good enough any more to get the job done without being a liability. what can we offer? wisdom, insight, experience, conditioning, training, mentoring. we can offer what we know to give them a leg up on makin it as far as we have. God give us the wisdom to do it right.