Unwritten Truths #5: Towing is fun!

[AustinBoston]

Another in a series of tongue-in-cheek posts about things no salesman will ever tell you about pop-up-camping.

It's been a long time since I've posted one of these.  If you are interested in #1-4, search titles for "Unwritten".

Ah, the open road!  The joys of the miles, just melting away behind you, and a change in scenery with every bend in the road, every hill, every mile.  Such variety!  Trees, fields, farms, praries, open range, mountains, cities, suburbs, seacoast, and more.  A strong tow vehicle effortlessly whisking you, your family, and your pop-up.

Don't you believe it.

Although it might be possible to see all of those things from America's highways, they don't come together on one drive.  The highway you choose will only have one, or at the most two, kinds of scenery.  Be it woods or farms, you will see that one thing for the entire 500 miles of your trip.  Open field after open field after open field, on and on and on.  The only thing that changes is the exit numbers and the "This highway adopted by the Blavandville Jaycees" sign being replaced by the "This highway adopted by the Blavandville Boys Scouts troop 2347"

If you are unfortunate enough to route near enough to see a city, you have my pity.  Interstates near enough to see cities have two kinds of vehicles - very small ones that try to go under you and your trailer, and very large ones that try to go over you and your trailer.  There are two kinds of drivers - ones that are very angry about you being in their way, and those who absolutely insist in being in your way.  Oh, and there are only two speeds - bumper-to-bumper way too fast, and stopped.  So if you think driving through the city might be a nice change of scenery, you're in for a surprise.

Those miles do melt away - for the first few hours.  Eventually, there will be a brave soul in the back seat that will start things up - that nice little child, so innocent, asking "are we there yet?"  Once asked, no matter what the answer, the question will be repeated, more and more often, until it becomes a curse beyond all others.  There is only one thing that will replace it - "Mommy, Billy just threw up."

So now you're on the side of the road, trying to clean up partly-digested breakfast, knowing you will never get the smell out, and your husband turns off the engine.  Big mistake.

It seems something isn't quite right in the trailer wiring, and you can't get the engine to turn over.  You're 26 miles from the nearest exit, the van won't start, and Oh!  There's no cell coverage!  How many miles are going to melt away now?

After half an hour, hubby tries unplugging the trailer and starting the van again, and it does...Yay!  You're back on the road - with an aroma - but at least you are moving.  Looking ahead, you can see the flat plains you are crossing will soon give way to gently rolling hills.  There seems to be something beyond that, but it's so far away, you can't tell.  Finally, a change in scenery.

What you don't know is that those hills are the enemy.  At first, you will notice a little struggling in the engine.  As the hills become steeper, you decide you have to use that climbing lane.  "Holy $&%^," the van is going down this hill fast!  "Mommy, Daddy just said a bad word!"

Hopefully, it will cross your mind that the trailer has brakes, and why aren't they working?  Because you forgot to plug the trailer back in after starting the van.  You better stop and do it now, you haven't come to the steep part yet.

After 4 or 5 hundred hills, they all look the same.  The cries of "Are we there yet" have been augmented with complaints of "It smells really bad in here," and "I have to go to the bathroom," usually spoken just after passing a rest area - the kind with a blue sign that says "Next Rest Area 56 Miles."

After what seems like days, you finally arive at the coast.  Expecting to see beaches and cliffs and sand dunes, you find something else entirely - fog.  Fog so thick, you hgave to look out the side window to see the lane lines on the pavement.  Meanwhile, the locals, who seem to have fog-ray-vision, are zooming past you, beeping out their annoyance at you as they go by.

This is what you travelled all day for - the wonderful views of the coast.  Except you and your dear wife are using all of your vision to try to spot the sign for Beachplumb Campground hidden somewhere in the fog.

Ah, the joys of the open road!

Austin

[Old Goat]

Good post Austin,  Boy am I and DW glad that the days of carrying those little joys around in the back seat are over..Now it's just us to enjoy the open road and quiet camping nites...Ah, retirement is so sweet.....Growing old does have some atvantages.................

[tlhdoc]

Great post Austin.

[GeneF]

"...Ah, retirement is so sweet.....Growing old does have some atvantages................."

LOL Old Goat,  I have to agree with you on this one.


Austin

You forgot to mention the sign that you pass and didn't see that says "Next gas 107 miles" and your gas gauge is below 1/4.

[Old Goat]

"...Ah, retirement is so sweet.....Growing old does have some atvantages................."

LOL Old Goat,  I have to agree with you on this one.


Austin

You forgot to mention the sign that you pass and didn't see that says "Next gas 107 miles" and your gas gauge is below 1/4.

That's one advantage of having a bunch of youngn's along...preferably teenagers... If the gas situation becomes critical they can get out and push........

[TheViking]

Retirement is number one, but, if your like me and not to that point in your life yet, the 2nd best is the Mobile DVD player. Doesn't stop the "Are we there yet's" but it sure slows them down!

[Venatic]

I was surprised that the trailer wiring wasn't worn from dragging on the ground.

[GeneF]

That's one advantage of having a bunch of youngn's along...preferably teenagers... If the gas situation becomes critical they can get out and push........

I'd bet that they will be doing the steering and you the pushing.

[JAL&JKL]

Reminded me WHY we didn't start camping until AFTER the children grew up & left home. Haven't reached retirement yet, just longing for that time!

[Kelly]

.... and my youngest (age 5) can't figure out why I won't drive to California any time soon!!!  :p

[Old Goat]

JAL&JKL  Heres hoping that hurricane Dennis misses you completely......Keep us posted.........