Marriage

[Recumbentman]

Marriage (Part I )
 
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and

after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
   
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time

I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.

 I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless

I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll  go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing

when I want with my old buddies, and don't you

give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules.  Any comments?"
         

His new bride said:

"No, that's fine with me.  Just understand that there will be sex

here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."
   
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

    ************************************************

    Marriage (Part II)
   
   
    Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
   

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone

that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"

   
   "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone

that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!"
   
    (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
   
   
*****************************************
   
    Marriage (Part III)
   
   
    Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no

good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
       

After some time he realizes he was nasty and

decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband

says, "What took you so long to answer to the phone?"
   

    She says, "I was in bed."
   
"In bed this early, doing what?"
   
 "Getting a second opinion!"
 

     (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
   
  *****************************************
   
    Marriage (Part IV)
       
   
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.  

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his

wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
     

  One night, they go to a party.  The man decides that it is time to go home

and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.  He shouts

at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
       

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,

shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."
       

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
   
    *****************************************
   
   THE SILENT TREATMENT
   
  A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife

to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece

of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."  He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it

was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
   

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he

noticed a piece of paper by the bed.   The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM.  Wake up."
   
 Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
     
  *****************************************

    God may have created man before woman, but there

is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

************************************************

[wavery]

hehehehehe.......... :confused: ..or is that...hohohohoho?

I guess that depends on whether you are responding to the "He" or the "Ho" :sombraro:

[AustinBoston]

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs... phone rings but if answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive.  Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car around the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.  

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Thanks,
Bob

Austin

[BootheBunch]

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
 
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
 
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
 
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says........ "HEBREWS"