Vikingisms

[TheViking]

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. (Me)
 
If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
 
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
 
 
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

[Recumbentman]

1. Save the whales, collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like...night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. 42.7 % of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99 % of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

11. A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.

12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

14. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.

15. OK....So what's the speed of dark?

16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

18. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have any film.

19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

26. Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow

[AustinBoston]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. (Me)

The consultant's take on this is:

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.

Teach a man to fish, and he buys a funny hat.

Do all the fishing for a bunch of ignorant people, and you're a contractor.

Talk to a starving man about fish, and you're a consultant.

Austin