Smile!

[Gracy]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.  

The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."  

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"  









(you're gonna love this)  









(its a real treat)  











(a masterpiece)  










(wait for it)  















The bank manager looks back at her and says...  
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."  


You're singing it, aren't you?  








(Yeah, I know you are........)

Never take life too seriously!

Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!

Have a lovely day!

[jaytee2274]

is it possible to groan and laugh at the same time?  because that's what i did hahaha!

[bud121156]

[Gracy]

is it possible to groan and laugh at the same time?  because that's what i did hahaha!

Bahaaaaaaaaaaaha!

[kjrjr]

Ok. Try this one on for size...

The head of the local aquarium bursts in to his assistant's office one day ans says;

"we have a huge problem! It must be mating season or something because the porpoises are engaging in acts that shouldn't be viewed by anyone and we have a group of grade schoolers arriving any minute! What can we do?"

"Gosh", Says the assistant, "the only thing I can thik of that acts as an anti-aphrodisiac for porpoises is the flesh of fledgeling seagulls."

"Great", says the boss, "we have a rookery just down on the beach, take this sacks and get me seagull chicks." But be carefull one of the lions has escaped from the safari park next door. They managed to tranquilize it but it disappeared before the drugs could take effect"

So the assistant makes his way down to the beach and begins to collect seagulls to feed to the naughty porpoises. As he makes his way back, wouldn't you know it but laying across the path is the escaped lion. It seems to be unconscious but the assistant is naturally fearfull. Since he cant go arround the beast he creeps slowly up to the big cat and steps gingerly over him. immediately a policeman appears and slaps the cuff on him and announces that he is under arrest.

"What is the charge says the startled assistant?"






(get ready)

















(here goes)



















"For transpoerting young gulls across stayed lions for immoral porpoises!" :rolleyes:



Shaggy dog stories. Gotta love 'em.

[Gracy]

Ok. Try this one on for size...

The head of the local aquarium bursts in to his assistant's office one day ans says;

"we have a huge problem! It must be mating season or something because the porpoises are engaging in acts that shouldn't be viewed by anyone and we have a group of grade schoolers arriving any minute! What can we do?"

"Gosh", Says the assistant, "the only thing I can thik of that acts as an anti-aphrodisiac for porpoises is the flesh of fledgeling seagulls."

"Great", says the boss, "we have a rookery just down on the beach, take this sacks and get me seagull chicks." But be carefull one of the lions has escaped from the safari park next door. They managed to tranquilize it but it disappeared before the drugs could take effect"

So the assistant makes his way down to the beach and begins to collect seagulls to feed to the naughty porpoises. As he makes his way back, wouldn't you know it but laying across the path is the escaped lion. It seems to be unconscious but the assistant is naturally fearfull. Since he cant go arround the beast he creeps slowly up to the big cat and steps gingerly over him. immediately a policeman appears and slaps the cuff on him and announces that he is under arrest.

"What is the charge says the startled assistant?"






(get ready)

















(here goes)



















"For transpoerting young gulls across stayed lions for immoral porpoises!" :rolleyes:



Shaggy dog stories. Gotta love 'em.

Oh no!


:J hahaha!

[fallsrider]

Bubba went to a psychiatrist.
 
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody
 under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
 
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,'  said the shrink.

 'Come  talk to me three times a week, and we should be
 able to get rid of those fears.'
 
'How much do you charge?'


 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.


 'I'll sleep on it,' said Bubba.
 
Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street.

 

'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears

you were having?' asked the psychiatrist.
 
'Well ,eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful
 lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was  so happy to have
 saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'
 
'Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
 
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now !!!'
 
Red Necks Git 'er dun!