RE: Sign in My Front Yard

[birol]

 RamblingWreck
Just thought I would drop this in :
 
 http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/West/03/03/iditarod.start/index.html
 
 
 

[cavman]

 birol
Birol,
 
 Way to go.  I m glad to see that all the planning of the committee paid off with the relocation and delayed start.  Good thing we didn t re-locate to RamblinWreck s.  We wouldn t have had time.
 
 Thanks for the news clip.

[Horscampr]

 RamblingWreck
You guys are really cracking me up!!  This thread is just too funny!!
 
 I m laughing too hard to think of a response that would be witty enough to fit with this thread.....
 
 I ve had a horribly long day at work and with babysitting and needed a good laugh.  Posts like this remind me why I enjoy being here so much.
 
 Thanks guys[][]

[RamblingWreck]

 cavman
Dear Iditarod Planning Committee,
 
 I understand with spring just around the corner how important it is for you to get your race under way.  The logisitics of moving the race eastward on such short notice made such a move impractical.  Regretfully, I was unaware of the snow shortage you were experiencing in Alaksa or I would have contacted you sooner.
 
 Our bounty just never seems to end.  We received another blessed 7"  of snow yesterday.  This morning the temperature was -6 degrees F.  Your mushers would have felt right at home.
 
 The television weatherman was boasting that it was a record low for this date right before I flushed the remove control down the toilet.  I ll endeavor to keep a closer watch of the Alaskan climatic conditions for future races, though it will not be by television.  Perhaps we can be of service to one another in the future.
 
 In the interim, should you encounter anyone else who has been inconvenienced by a lack of snow I would appreciate you referring them to me.   We still have plenty.
 
 Sincerely,

[Kelly]

 RamblingWreck
[font=" comic sans ms" ]Dear Mr. Wreck ~
 While we are anticipating 3 to 6-inches of snow overnight here in Minnesota ~ it is a pittance when compared to snowfall in previous years.  We are currently about 20"  behind our average.
 While the addition of some of your extra snow would certainly make my yard closer to average, the childrens  school schedules do not allow for Road Trips in the winter months.  I am anxiously awaiting more snow ~ unfortunately, I find no feasible way to take some of yours.  (Unless, of course, you are willing to make an exception and deliver the white stuff yourself.)
 I must thank you for your kind and generous offer.....Perhaps we can do business in the future.
 ~Snowless in Minnesota[/font]

[RamblingWreck]

 Kelly
Dear Kelly,
 
 Thank you for your interest in our product.  It just so happens that I have pick up truck bed loaded and ready to go.  My truck was parked in my employer s parking lot Thursday during our most recent weather event.
 
 I am still a little dazed from the fall I took in their parking lot Thursday.  The snow had covered an ice patch that I had the misfortune to trod across.   I landed on my tailbone then fell backward and hit my head.  Needless to say the fall did nothing to improve the condition of my already aching back not to mention my head or the parking lot.
 
 Fortunately, I was not rendered unconscious.  Otherwise, I fear that the snow would have covered me and the snowplow would have deposited my corpse in the mountainous snow banks that now surround said parking lot.  The way things are going, it would have been several months before my remains would have been discovered
 
 In my dazed condition I was prepared to make a delivery to you.  My dear wife then pointed out that in a technical sense that the load of snow belongs to our mutual employer.  Who, unlike us, is not known for their generous and magnanimous nature.  Their price would no doubt be steep for the product not to mention the delivery charge.  That it would be in our family?s best interest for me to park the truck in a sunny spot in the offending parking lot so that said product could be returned to our employer.  The last thing we need is for myself to be accused of employee theft.
 
 As she continued to apply cold compresses to my head her logic began to become crystal clear, though her face was still a little fuzzy.  I then came to the realization that delivering that particular load would not help the problem in our yard in the least.
 
 To our deep regret, it doesn?t look like we are going to be able to reach a mutually acceptable solution.  Please keep us in mind if your availability to travel change.
 
 Should you know of anyone else in a similar predicament to yourself who can avail them selves of our self-service offer please inform of the availability of our product.  Referrals are always welcome.
 
 Sincerely,
 

[Ab Diver]

 RamblingWreck
To: Rambling Wreck s Solid Water Delivery Service
 
 From: Desert Dry Enterprises, Inc.
 
 Dear Sir,
 
 It has come to our attention of your desire to expand your business beyond it s current boundaries.  We, in an effort to also expand our corporate activities, are researching possible business partners with which we may collaborate. We have discovered a growing niche market, served by the seemingly innocuous " County Fair Snow-Cone Stand" . As California has many separate Counties, each with it s own County Fair, and each Fair is occupied by numerous Snow Cone Stands, the potential for profits of a *substantial* nature should be readily obvious.
 
 Decisive action in needed at your earliest possible convenience to assure prime location for our stands. Specific issues such as pedestrian traffic must be studied, and ad-hock committees formed. Our staff of trained experts has developed a plan for bypassing all normal transportation routes, and is currently lobbying Congress to secure the Federal Rights necessary to construct a pipeline reaching from your front yard to the western slopes of the Sierra Mountains. If you will agree to foot the construction costs of the aforementioned pipeline to a location reaching not less than 5 miles from our state capitol of Sacramento, we will agree to build the rest of the pipeline. Details such as oil-fired liquification plants at your end to render your product suitable for travel through our pipeline, and using existing hydro-electric facilities to power refrigeration plants at our end to re-crystallize your product, can be worked out as soon as pipeline construction has commenced.
 
 We anticipate that your product will become the main ingredient in what will surely be known as the world s best tasting snow cones.
 
 Awaiting your timely reply, we remain:
 
 Desert Dry- " The World s Lightest Snow Cones"

[RamblingWreck]

 Ab Diver
Dear Desert Dry Enterprises, Inc,
 
 Thank you, for your interest in our product.  Your suggestion regarding a pipeline has our elected assembly in Washington DC scrambling.  Even with our national budget deficit they are searching to find public funds for the project.
 
 The water lobby from the western states is a very influential group.  A chain of events has already begun.  I have been in touch with the chief of staff for our Congressman, Bob Simmons.  With the current economic down turn this type of public works project is just what the country needs.  Before they are finished, Boston?s Big Dig will look like small potatoes.
 
 We also want to compliment you on your ability to think out of the box.  We have always envisioned ours an all natural lawn care product.  Your proposed application of manufacturing the ?World?s lightest snow cones? and the ?World?s best tasting snow cones? using our product has us a little concerned about California fads.
 
 If I may explain, we have two German Shorthaired Pointers, Ginger and Henry.  Our lawn is where they relieve themselves.  Which brings to mind the lyrics from Frank Zappa?s Album the ?Apostrophe?.  Though it has been some years since I last listened to them I seem to remember tidbits:
 ?Watch out where the huskies go?
 ?The lethal yellow snow crystals?
 ?The deadly doggy do cones?
 
 Perhaps you should dispatch several trucks to our place to collect raw material to manufacture a small lot.  You could try these at test markets at several of the county fairs you mentioned.  For professional reasons, we would very much appreciate advance notice of the time and location of the aforementioned tests.
 
 Sincerely,
 

[BedBugs]

 RamblingWreck
I think that there is a future for your location concerning the Iditarod.  And in my esteem another source of profit potential, excluding sponsorships and other endorsements, and also tying in the Summer Time Lemonade Stand as being a permanent fixture on your facility, is a year round operation.  Certainly we are all familiar with these Lemonade stands and the children that operate them... sir, I am no child but I have a vision... a perpetual stand of refreshment... Not only quenching thirsts during the hot months with the vital necter known as lemonade, but also satisfying the extreme race fans during the circuit with Husky SnowCones... colored to resemble urine.  With Lemonade, of course.
 Slogan:  You CAN Eat The Snow Where the Huskies Go!
 And there is my proposal... 12 months a year.  Lemonade refreshing in the summer and extreme Husky Snowcones in the winter.  
 I will be at the CG Academy, New London in July and would love to discuss the details of such an operation.
 Sincerely,
 Mr. Hjelo Snough

[jackgoesthepopup]

 RamblingWreck
What you need to put on that sign is DON" T TAKE THE SNOW.UNDER PENALY OF THE LAW. Then everyone will take some. They think they are getting away with something that way.

[RamblingWreck]

 BedBugs
Rob,
 
 Sheer marketing genius!  The University of Connecticut is just around the corner in Storrs, CT.  They are known as the UCONN Huskies.  How could I miss?  (Famous last words)

[pinhi18]

 RamblingWreck
I along with my neighbors would be very interested in your product when it returns to its former state.  It has been a very dry winter in the Chicagoland area and snow melt off would be very much appriciated as my lawn is thursty.  I would think your product would be much easier to ship in its liquid state then the current form.  On the other hand you might just want to store some of your product for the late summer season when your product is scarce in its liquid state.  Let me know what you think.
 
 Signed,
 A little dry in Chicagoland
 

[B-flat]

 RamblingWreck
.....ahhhhhhh yes, it s the American way.  Disclosures, lawsuits and they will find a way to put a tax on this product in no time.