Self-service Negative Bouyancy Rally II, Jan. 16.17 & 18

[Red neff Barchetta]

I like that Ray.  

[Surfcal]

I'm sure you'll find one or two that'll make you smile...

1. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"Sorry we don't serve food in here."

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the
road."

6. Two aerial antennas meet on a roof, fall in love
and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception
was excellent.

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the
other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this
morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The
kids were nothing to look at either.

11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says,
"I've lost my electron". The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

12. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this
bull before.

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks
his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to
put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other
day but I couldn't find any.

15. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet
him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top
shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your
arms!"

17. I went to a seafood disco last week... and
pulled a mussel.

18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but
when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, "Is the
bar tender here?"

[Ca-girl]

I'm sure you'll find one or two that'll make you smile...
 

HA...those are pretty good.  I have one of Melissa's gems to add to the list...
 
A guy walks into a bar......and says, "ouch".

[6Quigs]

A fish swims into a wall,

and says "dam"!!

[SCCS]

Great work guys.Hear is one I have.

How did the fish agent hack into the computer?

He knew the cod word. :J

[gsm x2]

Do you know how Sea World circumcises new born whales?

Fore skin Divers.

gsm x2

[Nick]

A few good ones.

 
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty liter?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

How did a fool and his money get together?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

What's another word for thesaurus?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

What do they use to ship styrofoam?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What's another word for thesaurus?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

[Red neff Barchetta]

Z -
Since this is the music scene thread I thought I'd mention this -
Just saw it this morning from Joe Satriani's site;
http://www.satriani.com
"A special Jimi Hendrix Celebration featuring an all-star lineup. Joe is expected to perform with Buddy Guy, Mitch Mitchell, Jerry Cantrell, Billy Cox, Paul Rodgers and others" at the Warfield theater in S. F. on Thursday, Feb. 26th.
Yes, it is the night before we head to Olema, but I'm going for it.  You only live once I say!
Just thought I'd throw this out there.

[Hybrid Holly]

Z -
Since this is the music scene thread I thought I'd mention this -
Just saw it this morning from Joe Satriani's site;
http://www.satriani.com
"A special Jimi Hendrix Celebration featuring an all-star lineup. Joe is expected to perform with Buddy Guy, Mitch Mitchell, Jerry Cantrell, Billy Cox, Paul Rodgers and others" at the Warfield theater in S. F. on Thursday, Feb. 26th.
Yes, it is the night before we head to Olema, but I'm going for it.  You only live once I say!
Just thought I'd throw this out there.

hmmmm...this would be great.   I might be up for it, too.

[Red neff Barchetta]

Cool Holly!
How about we see who's interested by, let's say next Tuesday or so.
I'd then be happy to get tickets since the Warfield is assigned seating.  I can probably get as many as 8 tix in one shot.
Then we can see who's the most groggy the next day at Olema, lol.
Have a great w/e!

[Red neff Barchetta]

I just tried a mock purchase of 4 tickets and there are still plenty left.  Damn the $8.00 "convenience" charge on EACH ticket though!  Maybe Ray will be interested in this one too and we can beg him to stop by the Warfield at his convenience and buy the tickets at the box office and skip that silly charge?

[zymomyz]

I just tried a mock purchase of 4 tickets and there are still plenty left.  Damn the $8.00 "convenience" charge on EACH ticket though!  Maybe Ray will be interested in this one too and we can beg him to stop by the Warfield at his convenience and buy the tickets at the box office and skip that silly charge?

Sorry, somehow I missed this one. Sounds like it could be fun. I'll ask Anne Marie.

[zymomyz]

Holly I hope you especially read this    ... I put up one more picture from this rally onto my webshots page. Have a look...

[Surfcal]

I just tried a mock purchase of 4 tickets and there are still plenty left.  Damn the $8.00 "convenience" charge on EACH ticket though!  Maybe Ray will be interested in this one too and we can beg him to stop by the Warfield at his convenience and buy the tickets at the box office and skip that silly charge?

Sure Neff, I'll pick up the tickets for you.  However, I might tack on an "inconvenience" charge.

Surfcal

P.S.  How about I do it on Monday, would that be cool still?

[Red neff Barchetta]

Holly I hope you especially read this    ... I put up one more picture from this rally onto my webshots page. Have a look...

Z -
I'm not Holly (but I play her on tv), but want to look at your picture also.

Um, a link usually helps when "Have a look" is said.