Update on my mom

[griffsmom]

Thanks Randy!! We will have to make a date.
 
Jacqui
 
Lori, how is your mom and the rest of the family doing?

Hi Everyone!:W
 
Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes. My mom is doing much, much better and is slowly returning to her old self.
 
The first week after I brought her home from the hospital was pretty rough--she was having difficulty coping with what she saw as her imminent death, and I was struggling to cope with the drastic and sudden change in our roles as parent and child--not an easy thing to do when you're the baby of the family and have always been spoiled by your mommy!:) I think the hardest part for me was that my mom has always been such a strong and independent woman (had to be as a single mother) but seemed to be letting this kick her in the booty instead the other way around, which is what I was used to seeing her doing. But at one of her doctor visits, the doctor really gave her a great pep talk, and we (thankfully!) turned the corner. She still has a way to go, but her outlook has improved greatly and she is dealing much better with the many changes this has brought to her life. Hopefully, we'll be able to get her back out and camping soon!:D
 
The rest of the family is doing well. Because we haven't been camping much, I've been able to finish a king-size quilt for Dave that I've been working on since last August. The thing was a monster to quilt--110 inches square!Griffin's new game is to have me drape a blanket over the furniture (making a tent for him) so that he can play in his "pop up". He now refers to the living room as his "campground" and tells me very emphatically that his "pop up" is a Jayco, not a Coleman! How does he know these things???!!! I'm going to enroll him in a 3 y/o soccer league and sign him up for swimming lessons. Life never seems to slow down, and I wish we'd be able to join you all at the spring rally!! Maybe you guys can plan something for May?
 
Sorry for the long post--Jacqui--sorry you asked? I guess I've missed you more than I realized!!:D

[OC Campers]

OMG, don't apologize for the long post.  I am so glad that you were able to answer at all with your hectic schedule.  I am really happy to hear that Wynn is doing better.  I am very fortunate to have 2 healthy parents at the moment but as you well know life can change very fast.  I am an only child with my parents 85 miles away.  I am very worried about what the future holds.  I am constantly after my 67 year old father to take better care of himself because  I want him to see his granddaughter walk down the aisle.  He just doesn't get it.  He will probably smoke till the day he takes his last breath:( .

We miss seeing you guys.  I think it has been since Trick or treat in Temecula.  Matt needs his Griffy fix.  Should we say Hometown Buffet in the near future?
 
Hugs
Jacqui

[Dee4j]

Hi Lori,
I'm glad to hear your mom is doing much better, I've finally had a chance to get online and I've been wanting to check to see how she is doing. Just enjoy every moment you can with your mom as my mom died of a massive heart attack 3 weeks ago today and it would have been my parents 49th anniversary tomorrow. The good news is they say she didn't feel anything and was instant, but the hard part is the I should've called more, saw her more, Luckily the kids have great memories of xmas time. My sister & I will be spending time with Dad tomorrow, I unfortunely will have to cut the visit short as Kara came down with an ear infection last night and she only wants me when she's sick (as I did my mom)
see you guys in march

[OC Campers]

Deidre, I am so sorry to hear about your mom.  I hope your family is doing ok.  This must of happened right after our Canyon RV trip.  Does your dad live near to you?   We lost Randy's dad to amassive coronary 13 years ago.  I have to say for his dad, this was the best way to go (if he had to go).  He was so active, it would of killed him to sit at home to recover.  Plus, the doctor said he didn't suffer any pain.  

 
Jacqui

[griffsmom]

Hi Lori,
I'm glad to hear your mom is doing much better, I've finally had a chance to get online and I've been wanting to check to see how she is doing. Just enjoy every moment you can with your mom as my mom died of a massive heart attack 3 weeks ago today and it would have been my parents 49th anniversary tomorrow. The good news is they say she didn't feel anything and was instant, but the hard part is the I should've called more, saw her more, Luckily the kids have great memories of xmas time. My sister & I will be spending time with Dad tomorrow, I unfortunely will have to cut the visit short as Kara came down with an ear infection last night and she only wants me when she's sick (as I did my mom)
see you guys in march

Dee, I'm so, so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom!!!  My mom's heart attack was three weeks ago this past Thursday!  Sound like our moms couldn't have timed it any better if they had tried.  I'm glad that your kids will have great memories of their grandma.  That was one of the things that was breaking my heart with my mom, when she was still in ICU and not doing well.  All I could think about was that at only 3, Griffin wouldn't be able to hold on to the time he has had with her.  I was definitely doing my share of negotiating with God.  
 
My heart goes out to your dad too.  I can only imagine that tomorrow will be an especially tender time for him.  You and yourfamily are in our prayers.  Please let us know if there is anything that we can do for you.
 
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs!}}}}}}}}}}}}

[oldmoose]

Dee, I'm sorry about your loss. After my Dad passed on, I vowed to spend more time with my Mom and was able to do it. My Dad and I were not real close, but in the last year of his life, he and I came to terms. My Mom said that he really enjoyed our telephone calls. I now am keeping in touch with my MIL and her husband. I usually stay with them when I travel up north for business. It has cost me on my waist line as they take me out to dinner.

 
Moose

[g-whiz]

Dee, I'm very sorry to hear about the passing of your mom and want you to know I'm thinking about you and your family.

[Tracy and David]

Dee, I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother.  It's so hard to be motherless.

I guess this is just the time we're all at in our lives;  my mother had a stroke 2 weeks ago!  She seems to be recovering quickly and it was fairly mild, thankfully, but it is certainly going to bring many changes to our family.

Lori, I can so relate to your feelings about the role reversal issues.  My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's-type dementia several years ago, and although she is thankfully not deteriorating very quickly, the biggest change has been the loss of her strong opinions and support in my life. (I'm also the spoiled rotten baby of the family!).  

Having to now make all these difficult decisions and take charge of her life, essentially, has been just a huge change for me.  These life transitions are very hard, and especially for those of us who are the "sandwich generation," with young children still at home and elderly parents to care for as well.

The silver lining of the stroke is that now she will be forced to move out of her home, which is a move that my sister and I had been feeling was necessary for quite some time. We've just been trying to figure out how to make it happen without upsetting her unduly.  The stroke makes the transition natural and easy.  It will just be one more step in her recovery process, and once she gets settled in to the Residential Care Facility (a private home with only 5 other residents, 3 blocks from my house) she will be just fine.

By the way, for those of you who will be dealing with these issues in the future, I had no idea that these Residential Care Facilities for the Elderly (RCFE's) even existed!  It is such a huge improvement over the Nursing Home model.  They are literally private homes that have been modified and licensed to accomodate the elderly and/or disabled. There are typically only 5-8 residents and 2 caregivers there at all times.  

The caregivers really get to know the residents and can accomodate their preferences and quirks.  I'm really excited that we found one so close to my home, but I was shocked to find there were 13 of them within one mile of my house!  You would never know they were there.  They look just like all the other houses in the neighborhood.  If anyone else is facing these transitions, I would highly recommend looking into this as an option.

Dee and Lori, I'll be keeping you both in my prayers.

Blessings,

[griffsmom]

Tracy,
 
I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's struggles too!  I am glad to hear that it was only a mild storke.  I hope that it hasn't adversely affected her speech or ability to get around and take care of herself and that she is able to recover quickly.
 
I hope this doesn't sound warped, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone in dealing with these issues and emotions. All I could think of was what a horrible daughter I am for being so selfish and spoiled about my mom's and my changing roles, and yet intellectually, I know it's not uncommon. I even watched my mom go through it years and years ago when my grandmother's health deteriorated to the point where we had to arrange a nursing home situation for her. Fortunately, my mom is doing well and it looks like she will be able to continue to live independently. But thanks for the info on RCFEs. I will definitely make a mental note of them, although I hope I never need them. Just out of curiousity, are they the same as an assisted living facility?
 
I pray that your family life settles down and into a comfortable arrangement for everyone.

[Dee4j]

Thanks all for the kind words and Tracy your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

see you at Yucaipa..thats if we don't float away to another county first  :eek:

[Tracy and David]

Tracy,
 
 
 But thanks for the info on RCFEs. I will definitely make a mental note of them, although I hope I never need them. Just out of curiousity, are they the same as an assisted living facility?
 
I pray that your family life settles down and into a comfortable arrangement for everyone.

Hi, Lori:

Sorry I didn't post earlier, but I've been kinda busy these days! Anyway, a RCFE is also often referred to as a "board & care" home. You could also call them assisted living, but in general terms, assisted living is more usually a larger facility, maybe 50-250 residents living in more of a hotel-type setting. The RCFE is a private home with generally no more than about 6 residents and 2 full-time care givers.

From what I've been able to determine, assisted living is for higher functioning seniors who just need a little help with the activities of daily living. The ones I've seen are kind of set up like a college dorm with a bedroom and bath suite shared by 2 residents. There is also usually a small "kitchenette" area with a sink and room for a microwave oven, so they could cook themselves a simple meal or snack.

There are organized activities available throughout the day (but not required), and even field trips on a bus. Usually residents with any type of dementia are not allowed because of the additional level of care required and because they may become a wander risk, although some of these facilities have a specil unit for dementia patients which is locked at all times and even more structured as to activities. Residents are required to come out of their rooms and join the activities. We were afraid my mom would have been required to be in the dementia unit, so we opted not to go this route. Besides, it was much more expensive. It would have been abour $4200 per month for her to live there, as opposed to about $2500 in the board and care.

Probably more information than you ever wanted to know, but boy, have I had an education in the past month!
__________________

[griffsmom]

Update 3/25:
 
 
My mom had an angiogram last Friday morning and it showed that three of the main arteries feeding her heart were blocked: one was completely blocked while the other two were 85% and 95% blocked. The one that is completely blocked is the least important of the three and the doctors have basically written it off. So we were faced with what to do about the other two. Since she was non-critical (in the sense that she wasn't in the middle of a massive heart attack) she was a candidate for either angioplasty (clearing the blockages with a balloon) or bypass surgery. We were able to speak to both doctors who would perform one or theother procedure, and trying to get either of them to commit to any kind of definitive info as to which would be preferable for my mom was impossible.
 
After employing all my legal training in how to ask the same question 14 different ways, I finally got the angioplasty doctor to say that which procedure we chose depended on what our goals were. If we just wanted to cure the symptoms of her congestive heart failure, i.e., shortness of breath, fatigue, etc., then the plasty would be the way to go. If we wanted to "increase my mother's longevity" (doctor-speak for "add years to her life") and have the procedure be more "durable" (doctor-speak for "more permanent effects") then the bypass was the better option.
 
My mom has chosen to have the bypass and will have her surgery on Tuesday morning at 7:00 a.m. She's strong for her age, so I am hopeful that all will be okay, but this is still a very scary procedure and I'm not ready to lose her, either for myself or for Griffin. I would really appreciate any prayers you might offer up in her favor.

[gsm x2]

Lori,

Way to hound them into giving you good information so that you could make a good decision. Angioplasty  is comparable to "sweeping the dirt under the rug."  Bypass is the way to go if its a good option--which in yur mom's case sounds like she is.
Don't be too shocked if you see her walking around the hospital hallways the day ofter surgery.  She's going to feel great after its done.

Scot

[gsm x2]

I was also going to mention that it's funny you should mention this today.  Ray asked me, "How's Lori's mom doing?" just last night.  We decided that no news we good news...let us know when the realy good ners is here.
gsm x2

[griffsmom]

Lori,
 
Way to hound them into giving you good information so that you could make a good decision. Angioplasty is comparable to "sweeping the dirt under the rug." Bypass is the way to go if its a good option--which in yur mom's case sounds like she is.
Don't be too shocked if you see her walking around the hospital hallways the day ofter surgery. She's going to feel great after its done.
 
Scot

I have heard this sentiment about angioplasty from quite a few people. It has helped to make my mom secure in her decision, although she is still anxious about the surgery. I have also been told that she will feel phenomenally renewed after the surgery when her heart is finally getting the blood it needs. Thanks for the encouraging words.