I'm declaring a vacation from life...care to join me!

[Camperroo]

Ok, this has been probably THE most stressful year of our lives.  DH lost job, finances went down the toilet, pulled DD out of private school, went to public, hated it, put her back in private, now we can't pay for it(well we can but the tuition payments will be a bit slow!!), now however she's bored there, not enough variety for her as it is a small private school, tuition is killing us financially so why go through the stress of worrying to pay for it if she doesn't really want to be there, now she wants to give public high school another chance, as she feels she will be older (sophomore) next year and maybe she just needed to give it more time (not easy to be a teen I know), DH got new job, hated it, quit after several months, DH landed new job, loves it now, I'm still recovering from car accident, can't work as often as I'd like too, had to put mother-in-law in a nursing home and I had to do all the visiting and research as my DH's family is useless, but they were first in line to get her stuff when they new it was moving time, my mom was just admitted to the hospital this past Friday, released in good health yesterday, got terrorized by a road rage freak last week, just getting over that, my car needs a new transmission, and though financially things are improving, they are slow and I'm sick of figuring out who to pay first,and we still aren't sure if moving to FL is in the cards or not.  I think if DH found a great job, the housing market is fabulous down there and the quality of life is so much better than the northeast, especially the weather, that we should beat it down there quick!  So far it's been cold and gross here since about mid-October, now it's April 5th and it's only 40 degrees and a cold wind.  I like being outdoors walking and gardening, and it just isn't cutting it here anymore.   Ahhh....change is in the air folks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So.....my resolve is this.  I'm taking a life vacation.  I'm turning every darn decision and responsibility to my DH for the rest of this month.  He can deal with the high school issues, family issues, car issues, paying the bills and whatever else comes down the pike.  I already told him this morning on the cell phone after my car died again bringing the kids to school, that I was done, finished, finito, with dealing with everything.  I went home took a hot shower, got dressed, turned on some nice music and resolved to clear my head of every stressful moment going and literally have placed my mind in peace mode.  I refuse to stress over anything, I'm going to go out and walk around a bookstore and browse and come home and check on my beef stew I put in the crockpot.  I'm not going to worry about how the house looks or if the kids made their beds.  I realized I tend to take up too much responsibility and that's my fault too for just not saying no and for letting others dump on me.   Well, no more.   Change is here!!!!!!

So anyone else going through stress...mark your calendar for a life vacation and tune it out and tune into yourself for a change.  Sometimes you just need to place your needs above everyone else's.   The problem with being stressed is that we the stressors are the ones that worry about making sure everyone else is happy and feelings aren't ruffled.  Yet noone worries that our feelings get hurt or ruffled or so much as ask how we're doing.  Well right now, momma isn't happy and momma is standing on her own 2 feet and saying I've had enough, it's time for me, and I am officially on VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll let you know how it goes..but right now...it feels pretty darn good!! and we head out for our first camping trip in about 4 weeks so YAHOO can't wait for that!!

[NightOwl]

R, you've come up with a great idea that more wives should try! :W

I had a friend in Michigan who did this--only she called it "going on strike"  She did this  when her 3 kids were teenagers and her DH was a very successful MD/ Med School administrator.  No money worries but EVERYTHING fell on her shoulders and no one seemed to notice or appreciate it.   After a particularly crazy week,  she wrote a note and left it on the kitchen counter for them.  I still remember this because I was so shocked that  even this "perfect wife and mother" had her limits. The note said something like "The maid aint comin' today, neither is the cook, the bookkeeper, the chauffeur or the  cleaning lady.  You're on your own.  If you want anything, get it.  If you want anything done, do it."

Her life got better after this episode because it didnt take them long to realize how much of a difference she made in all their lives.

So, I say GO FOR IT!  

:S And enjoy it, you've earned it after the  experiences you've just been through!.:S

[birol]

......

[topcat7736]

Well, I see that this topic was started about 11 this morning and there's been no follow-up thread. Know why? Because MOTHERS and WIVES can't go on a strike/vacation! It's genetically impossible.

The first itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, inconsequential, infinitesmal stupid thing that occurs will cause her internal female genes to wake up & spring into action. Whatever the idiotic thing was will be squashed like a June bug landing near my foot and the vacation/strike/whatever will be officially over.

Unfortunately, there will be h#ll to pay for any member of the family who attempted to do anything on his/her own during the "I'm not here" time.
And, the punishment for re-awakening those genes will continue on & on & on, so the foolhardy will never again think to themselves "she's just taking some time off and I'll try to help out".  :p    

[jpreiser]

Vacation.. Huh I wish, I think it would be like one of those videos :
Worlds scariest vacations!

[NightOwl]

.... MOTHERS and WIVES can't go on a strike/vacation! It's genetically impossible.

The first itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, inconsequential, infinitesmal stupid thing that occurs will cause her internal female genes to wake up & spring into action. ...and the vacation/strike/whatever will be officially over.

Unfortunately, there will be h#ll to pay for any member of the family who attempted to do anything on his/her own during the "I'm not here" time.
And, the punishment for re-awakening those genes will continue on & on & on, so the foolhardy will never again think to themselves "she's just taking some time off and I'll try to help out".  :p    

Dvinya, are you trying to find a "tactful" way to say that women are:

passive aggressive
obsessive complusive
anal retentive
high strung
unable to let go
retaliatory
ungrateful
 :J


Hmmm, I think I'll have a little private talk with Peggy when we get together. in the fall.... :Z

[B-flat]

camperoo, you nearly scared the daylights out of me with that thread subject!  I have been there and done that on all you said and I finally asserted myself just like you that I wasn't going to keep going like I had been.  Enough was enough.  It was time for ME!  Yep, I call it "A woman's holiday!"  At one time a bunch of us ladies here were going to plan a ladies only campout but somehow the idea got put on the back burner.  Topcat was staging a sneak up in the bushes of the camping area to get any of the food we were cooking.    :Z  :J

[wiininkwe]

Been there, done that!   At the very serious risk of letting TC have any idea that he may have gotten something at least partly right, I have to say that it didn't work very well.  I had a very hard time relaxing, when I tried it, because those things that I was trying to convince myself didn't matter, did.   And, when I decided to let the others do for themselves, well, they didn't do it right. (read that, "they didn't do it my way")   And, I had this awful feeling that this would be the time when something would go wrong and someone important  (fireman, ambulance driver, policeman, mother-in-law, favorite aunt, girl that I went to high school with that I haven't seen for 20 years and  really don't like but ..., etc) would end up in the room that looked the worst of all of them for some reason.   To be honest, I still try this every once in a while, but over the years I have learned to pick my battles.  I only stop doing the things that I know I can stop doing without causing me even more stress.  Sometimes we live for a while out of baskets full of clean clothes from the basement near the washer and dryer.  (Y'all know what it's like to wash them, dry them, bring them up and fold them and get them all in the right places, and then find them right back in the hamper the very next day)   As long as they're in the basement where no one else can see them, I can handle that.   Or, just close the bedroom door and don't worry about the rumpled bed and the dirty socks on the floor (his, not mine).   But, when going on strike starts to make you more stressfull, just give up and go do it, no sense in making things worse.
T

[vjm1639]

This reminds me of something I got at work last week that I just loved. This one is for ALL of us.

 
RESIGNATION





I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.



I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.



I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.



I want to think M&Msare better than money because you can eat them.



I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hotsummer's day.



I want to return to a time when life was simple, when all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes,but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.



I want to think the world is fair.



That everyone is honest and good.



I want to believe that anything is possible.



I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.



I want to live simple again.



I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes,



mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.



I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.



So . . . here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.



And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause........



....."Tag! You're it."

[birol]

......

[NightOwl]

This reminds me of something I got at work last week that I just loved. This one is for ALL of us.

 
RESIGNATION





I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause........



....."Tag! You're it."

Wow!  this expresses it better than ANYTHING I have ever read!  BRAVO!  :S

[sandykayak]

camperoo!!!! what a horrible list of things to contend with....i've been thru a few of them but not all close together!!

there's a list of stressful items somewhere (any psychologists out there???) and it gives you so many points per stressful item.   You then add them up and your score tells how "bad" you are.  (not properly expressed but I think it flags a warning if you are in stress overload..)

I kept reading and thinking "I hope this has a happy ending."

when I finished, I thought of the old, "Apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play."

I think you are very wise to get off the carousel for a while.

When I was a single mom, my kids HAD to help a lot around the house.  Son did the laundry starting at about age 9 or so.

I remember visiting a married friend and being amazed that her saturday was spent doing chores while her kids sat and watched TV.

DELEGATE...just as you would if you were running a business.  One person can't (and shouldn't have to) do it all.

[Camperroo]

Love that VJM!!!  Sandy just saw your note after I posted below....I know my list sounds horrible but it's actually pretty par for the course for us!  Our lives are super hectic as both DH and I care for our aging parents, plus work, and take care of the kids, then you throw all the other chaos we've been through which was all a bit unusual but as they say when it rains it pours!!!  Well we've been through a heck of a storm...but we've come through it all!!!  Felt good yesterday however, to finally say...TIME OUT!!!!   I even disconnected the phone yesterday for a complete break!!!  Kids have my cell # in case they needed to reach me.  It was so nice not to have to return a bunch of phone calls or be asked to do one more thing for someone!!  I highly recommend shutting off the phone from time to time!!!!  I really enjoyed that!!!!!!!!!


I have to say my vacation is going well gang!!  Last night my DH cooked dinner(well served it up..I made a great stew in the crockpot - good for camping recipe!), the kids set the table (without being asked) and after dinner my DH told me to go on in the den and relax, he and the kids would take care of the dishes!!!  Wahoo!!  Got up this morning, DH made the kids lunches, kids were dressed and ready for school without nagging, I enjoyed a cup of tea without being rushed and then drove them to school!!  I went to the office for a bit, then picked up the kids after school, got home, DD emptied the dishwasher and DS let me know he was going to go down the street to play with his friend and gave me a kiss on the cheek before he left.  Both kids actually put their backpacks where they belong instead of dumping them on my living room floor!! DH got home from work and said he'd be happy to take DD to softball practice today.  DH also took the high school situation in hand and called the other school who said DD could attend there next Sept, and then told DD decision was made, plain and simple.  She seemed relieved and happy about it.  Poor kid, probably just didn't want to have to make the high school decision herself and DH rescued her by saying...this is the way it's gonna be...!!!!  So here it is, about 5:30, my teen DD has happily gone off to softball with DH, son is out playing  and I'm sitting in a clean house in peace and quiet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WOW!!!  As for dinner....DH said he and DD would grab something on the way home for us all.  Oh and as for my car...it needed transmission fluid !!!!  Easy enough fix for now!!!!   I should have declared vacation (or is it a mini-strike??!! a long time ago!!!!  Even a simple 24 hrs. already feels like a long weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!    

I think just putting it all down "on paper" so to speak helped me take stock of it all more realistically and adding some humor to the situation with you all makes you realize nothing is so bad when you scale it down to size and take a step back a bit!!!!!     :S

[B-flat]

Wow, it worked, but I betcha it won't work for everyone.

[NightOwl]

camperoo!!!! what a horrible list of things to contend with....i've been thru a few of them but not all close together!!


I think you are very wise to get off the carousel for a while.

When I was a single mom, my kids HAD to help a lot around the house.  Son did the laundry starting at about age 9 or so.



DELEGATE...just as you would if you were running a business.  One person can't (and shouldn't have to) do it all.

Actually, all joking aside, this is the best advice this thread contains so far if Camperoo's kids are old enough to give a hand.

Yes, "delegating" can  really provide extra hands for a harrassed mother.

Despite the fact that I also yelled "Stop The World, I want To Get  OFF!" several times,   my kids were a fairly good help  by the time they were 12--doing their own laundry and packing their own lunches and fixing simple foods.  And kept (or did not keep) their own rooms  clean.  When the rooms were not decent, we closed the door and I did not nag--they had to live in  there, not me.  (And I have never yet heard of God sending any child to hell for not keeping a neat room.)

Before they were old enough to help, it was sometimes chaos, but we all managed to live through those years somehow even though we also had to deal with family tragedies like the sudden death of DH's youngest brother in a truck accident and   my FIL's  heart attack and my own parents' serious  health problems as well as  having a niece (my beloved brother's daughter--a torment for our whole family) who was a paranoid schizophrenic by age 12.

I guess the truth is, we all have our little crosses to bear but some--like Camperoo's--seem much heavier than others.

When a family takes it for granted that the Wife-Mom does everything and they dont stop now and then and  express their appreciation and give her a few hours to herself (and most families dont) then it begins to wear her down and it is time for her to take things into her own hands and insist some way or other ATTENTION be paid.  What works for one family does not allways work for others.