Out of circulation ...

[angelsmom10]

Birol, I'm so sorry to hear this... I can only imagine.   Thoughts and prayers are with you as well.

This brings tears to my eyes also, I just emailed you, and we can talk.

[MommaMia]

((((( Big Hug)))))

We are here for you Birol.... whatever you may need.

[birol]

Spoke to the people at Legal aid today as I have no money to pay any lawyers. Looks like, they will be of no use as we have property and whatever they might pay, will be against a lien towards the houses. And they ask for an arm and a leg to even start procesing the paper work.

The mortgage and all the expenses of the house needs to be paid, and no money. Do I have to make payments on that house anymore even ? Or pay hydro etc ? This is going to be a really messy thing to go though ....... I hope that the criminal charges get dismissed or I am found not guilty quickly so I can devote my time to this ......

My wife probably doesn't realize that she won't be able to live in the house much longer. This is so sad for the children .... Just when were getting back on our feet too !!!

[angelsmom10]

I don't know the situation, but from what you have ventured to say.. in the US, if you are a defendent, a lawyer will be appointed at no charge if you cannot afford one.  You may want to check into how it goes in Canada.

And again, not sure about Canada... As far as the bills go, call and see what everyone says.  I believe (at least locally) whose name the bills are in are the responsable party and if both names are on it, each is responsible for 1/2
 
Again, I don't know the whole situation and I am also... NOT A LAWYER.
 
This is from experience, when my first DH and I got divorced, it went quickly and he had responsibility of certain bills and it was all spelled out in the divorce decree.  A few years later, he filed bankruptcy and some of the I was named in the bankruptcy since my name had also been originally on the bills.  I contacted my lawyer and he said that in this case, the bill collectors COULD file for the unpaid balances to me and I would in turn have to sue X-DH since it was his responsibility, luckily, that never happened.
 
Good luck... get on the phone and just make a bunch of calls and explain the situation.

[vjm1639]

Birol, don't know the circumstances but I do know that a marriage break up is not a good thing.    I too will keep you and your precious children in my prayers!  I've also been through a divorce and know the heartache involved at the time.  Your children should be old enough and have lived with you long enough to know inside that no matter what they hear that Dad isn't a monster.   I'm so sad that you're having to go through this now.  Know that we're all here whenever you just need to vent!

[birol]

4'th day out of jail and I guess I am able to start to think.

She stated to the police on 9'th that I threatened her (Not threaten to kill) (And for those of you who want to know , no I did not threaten her). As is the law in canada, when a spouse states this, they have no choice but to arrest the other party, so I am taken into custody on Monday afternoon. then She starts saying that I also did a lot of other really bad stuff, which I had rather not get in here, use your imagination.  So they just keep me in jail, and use delay tactics to prevent me going out on bail. Monday, at last the crown states that there is no evidence that any of the other alleged charges are or have been comitted and that the police refused to charge me with anything else.

So I got out on Monday, with a restraining order which prevents me from contacting my children too, as they live with her and I am the charged one even though they stated several times that they do not want to live with her. It wasn't like I was going to go back or talk to her anyways after the nature of the charges she tried to frame me with. I am done with her ....

Most diffucult part is not having money and having to live with another family who bailed  me out .... thanks GOD there are some good people left in the world.

I have no idea how I will even start the divorce proceedings and so on, legal Aid has been utterly useless for any advice. I guess I have to bite the bullet and get myself a lawyer and take it from there .....

[angelsmom10]

There are still good people out there...
 
Although it doesn't do any good right now, but hopefully when you get the divorce, they should allow at least your DS to have a say as to where he would like to live and maybe even DD... hopefully they will allow them to voice their opinion.

[birol]

My son will be 16 and  they can not tell him where he will/can live. I know he will live with me, for sure. My aughter might be forced to stay with mom if she doesn't express herself well though. I am very worried about her. She looked so fragile and down She should not have seen her father being arrested and then this. If STBX think hat Karen is going to appreciate this favor, I am thinking she is wrong. If she can not finish brainwashing her till 14, Karen will also come and live with me once she is 14, that is when she will be alllowed to choose. I was just biding my time till she would be 14 or 15   ....So that she would not be effected too much, too late know, damage is done already and will continue for the next year or two or whatever ...

[campingboaters]

I have a friend that is going through a mess of a divorce with a woman that suffers from untreated post-traumatic stress disorder in which she has multiple personalities to cope with her life.  She was molested by her father and relatives as a child and slowly developed different personas so that she can say those things didn't happen to "her".  Almost two years ago, one of her personalities beat herself up (near as we can tell) and another personality is blaming her husband (since she couldn't possibly imagine she did it to herself) and had him arrested and everything.  After spending a day in jail, he was bailed out by a friend and other friends helped him in his time of need with housing, clothing and money.  He has not had contact with his adult kids that lived with them since this happened, as they obviously believe their mother.  The woman won't admit that she has a problem, but the husband has now realized what's going on through his own therapy and research.  This friend has since found love in a long time family friend and is starting to re-build his life one TINY step at a time.
 
 I am by NO means saying that is what is going on here!  I don't pretend to know what you are going through right now.  As much as you may hate it, lean on your friends.  With their help, you will get through this somehow.   Keep a journal and write all of the events (as they happen) down and your feelings.  You may need it in divorce/custody hearings and it will also help you sort out your feelings by getting it all out.
 
 I don't know you personally, as other do, but I still can't imagine you in this situation as I've always pictured you as a big lovable teddy bear.  I am also here to listen and lend a hand if I can possibly do anything to help.  Sometimes, just venting about your situation may help clear your head and we are certainly here for that, if nothing else.

[Miller Tyme]

Wow, where do I start...
 
 As a twice divorced father of 3, I know what you're in for. It's not going to be pretty. My first divorce started out pretty much like yours. 1st ex had been seeing her high school boyfriend for about 3 months before I found out. When I did confront her, she already had the divorce papers lined up, and ready to be served to me.(the boyfriend's mother payed for the lawyer,) She was to have me served while I was at a job training session. I came home early, and found them moving almost all my things out. I was left with the car(still owed payments on it) and my personal belongings. Then, I violated the restraining order,(went to see my girls) and spent a night in jail. Hired my own lawyer, biggest waste of money ever. Basically, there was nothing that I could do. She got everything she wanted, and more. Wisconsin law favors the women/mother, and the husband/father has almost no rights, except to pay child support/maintenance.
 
 Then I was stupid(married) a second time. Pretty much the same scenario, except this time I defended myself in court. Why not, she got everything she wanted, so why should I spend good money on bad rubbish.
 
 My advice-get a lawyer, quick. Most will take a down payment, and bill you after all the property division has been settled. Try to work through a mental health center for counseling--you and the wife. The court may order it. As far as the children--yes, she probably will get custody, and you'll have to pay support. TRY to keep things civil. It'll be hard to do, what with all the emotions, but anger's not going to help anything.
 
 So I know what you're going through. As I said, TRY to keep it civil. My hopes and prayers go to you and the kids.

[NightOwl]

Birol, you have been here at PUT for so long and we have gone through some tough times with you.  We will not desert you now.  Many of us have met you in person and know you are a very loving, caring father AND A GOOD PERSON.  Nothing has happenend to change our minds.  You are in our prayers and hearts.  Try to NOT let her trick you into doing anything foolish like losing your temper--you will let her win if you do and it will put you in a very bad situation wiith the law.  Just remain as calm as possible and have faith that, with the help of  a decent lawyer, this will eventually come to an end.
 
Your kids need a sane and stable daddy now as their mother sounds like she has gone off the deep end.  YOU CAN DO IT!

Amd you know you can always turn to us for comfort.

[birol]

I got a family lawyer ....... First appointment is the end of next week. I was thinking that she had already gotten one and that I would have heard from her lawyer already, not a peep. it has been 12 days since I got arrested, probably these things take a long time.

I am hanging in there, missing the kids a lot, but there is nothing  can do about that except to have the restraining order removed, they might or might not do it. It is way too restrictive, even my lawyer can not contact them. Family lawyers office stated that that neds to be corrected , they probably  went overzelalous with it. Oh well  .... 44 and single again, hopefully with two kids, it is not looking that bad once everything settles down ....My only consolation is that DS will be at an age where he can stay with me, they have to let him choose as he will be 16. Hopefully something will work out for DD too ....

[Firefyter-Emt]

Briol my friend.. You know we will be praying for you here. Like I said, don't be afraid to just pop in on Yahoo if you see me there.  I am on most of the night and will take the time to talk again anytime you want. Hope for brighter times ahead.. Maybe a new job that will allow you not to be set back $$ wise from the DB  :p (hee hee)  

[birol]

This lawyer is expensive, woowsers, but I am told that he is the one to get for me, he is one of the shark types I understand. I was first receommended one, and after hearing of the nasty circumstances, the recommendation got changed to this guy. I am hoping that he will be worth the money he is asking for.

I was in Whitby today, to do the trucking job, as I did it, I rememberd how DD was helping me so eagerly carrying the papers (3 or 5 of them, just the loose ones)  how she was trying to open the bags and how we were giggling and laughing, and how my son was trying to carry the huge bundles, boasting that he could now carry them that he was strong. I was so lost ..... I lost my will to live, that is what I realized today. What used to take me 1.5 hours took close to three whole hours .....

Starting to drive back to where I currently live instead of just going home and having fun with the kids was the hardest part, I kept telling myself that I did not deserve this !!!

[dee106]

Your at the darkest point right now, not knowing what the future holds. Fall back on the good times and remember what you alone have given your children. and your children will remember them too. There will be many happy camping trips to come. You seem to be very close to your children, and that will be seen in court. You will get them back. I am just surprised that you are not allowed to see them. Are you allowed telephone calls? If so make sure they are all up beat and never say anything negative about there mother, that will be used againist you.
 
 
we are all here for you. We all saw how you and your daughter interacted at the rally, we saw the LOVE! and last year with your son