Out of circulation ...

[birol]

Not until I prove beyond any doubt that I am not guilty ! The load is bearing heavier and heavier on my shoulders every day !

Birol, you can walk with pride NOW!!

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow." Helen Keller

[birol]

Retained my family lawyer today .... wheels are set in motion now ...... God be with me and my children !

[NightOwl]

Good--the lawyer is an important step, Birol.  And God will  keep watch over you and your childrten, I am sure.

[birol]

Uh oh, so much paper work !!!!!!!!! No body told me I would have to work for this !!!

[Camperroo]

You'll get through it Birol and move on to a happier life.  I've watched several friends go through divorces over the last two years, all who of couse said in the beginning stages that life was miserable, etc., but within six months of that they realized how free they were to live their lives happily.  No more walking on eggshells around someone, no more guilt trips laid on them, free to make their own decisions, etc.

Don't take it lying down like my brother did, which he has regretted ever since.  He just figured in his case, he had been seeing someone else, got caught and to make life supposedly easier for the kids, he just gave her whatever she wanted.   The end result is now her whole family has control over everything those kids do and my parents hardly get to see their own grandchildren, they've become almost strangers to us after so many wonderful, close years.  My brother's marriage is his case was wrong from the get go, but he stayed in it for 17 years before he just couldn't deal with it anymore.  I have to say he is healthier and happier now than I ever saw him during his marriage.  His only regret is being to easy with his ex-wife out of a guilty conscience and now his relationship with his kids is suffering.  She's always taking them to a psychiatrist to deal with the divorce, it's been 3 years now!!!  There was no abuse, etc., just two people who lived two different lives for many years, but she uses the psychologist as a weapon against my brother still to try and make him feel guilty.  She's still using the kids to control everyone else around her.

Whatever your lawyer can do to make things fair for you and your children let him/her do it and fight legally for every single right you have including custody arrangements.  If you did nothing to harm your wife, then you have nothing to worry about, hold your head up and demand your rights don't let your wife and her attorney have all the power.  

Life will be better for you and your kids shortly...it's worth the patience to fight for your rights during the divorce process.  Feeling miserable about it, only gives your wife more power over you and that is something you don't need to deal with.  Don't deal with her at all, do it all through your attorney and let her know you're ready to play tough.

[birol]

Camperoo, you speak good words !

I have done nothing to be ashamed of, I did not threaten her, I did nothing to hurt my children. !

I have retained one of the best, if not the best family lawyer in the area where we live, umm, wait a minute, where I used to live (bwahahahaha I kill myself with laughter). And told him in no uncertain words, I want to be fair but I am also not going to take anything. He has a list of several items to address as soon as divorce is initiated. All by himself he put in a restarining order saying based on what he heard it would be wise to do that. He is known as the ruthless one, I told him that I will not argue with him on how he wants to proceed. Fair but strong is my motto. I am pretty sure I will get custody of children, and that is the thing I care most about.

I know weird, a father going to the bat for his children, so sue me

Tough ? I have never been tough in my whole life, but then again, I do not give up and I do not let people push me around.

[Camperroo]

Good for you Birol, you keep your head up and your focus positive and you'll come out of this A-OK!!!

[birol]

I did not tell anyone anything yet,  and I am hearing from my friends of 25 years the news that we are divorcing, how nice of her Saving me from wasting electrons

[NightOwl]

I did not tell anyone anything yet,  and I am hearing from my friends of 25 years the news that we are divorcing, how nice of her Saving me from wasting electrons

OKAY!!  Birol, this is clear evidence that your sense of humor is still intact and operating.  YOU ARE GONNA WIN!!!!!!!

[birol]

Lol, I mean it is weird that she is going around and telling my friends (ok she got to know his wife during the last few years) but I would normally refrain from telling people who are really the other partners friends. I have known him for 25 years and his wife for around 27 years ! Come on, they are my friends, she must be very excited I wonder if she will also call my parents and give the good news Shesssh ! Maybe I should provide her with the phone numbers of a few more friends so she can have a "call his friends party"

WIN .... Big word .... As long as kids come out ok after this, I will be happy .... I hope they will not need counselling or anything, that is my main worry ....There is a lot I can not talk about here maybe on day once this is all behind me.

OKAY!!  Birol, this is clear evidence that your sense of humor is still intact and operating.  YOU ARE GONNA WIN!!!!!!!

[Gone-Camping]

OKAY!! Birol, this is clear evidence that your sense of humor is still intact and operating. YOU ARE GONNA WIN!!!!!!!

I have to agree with Birol, there is not going to be a clear winner in this no matter how it comes out! Best of luck to you Buddy!!!

[angelsmom10]

Lol, I mean it is weird that she is going around and telling my friends (ok she got to know his wife during the last few years) but I would normally refrain from telling people who are really the other partners friends. I have known him for 25 years and his wife for around 27 years ! Come on, they are my friends, she must be very excited I wonder if she will also call my parents and give the good news Shesssh ! Maybe I should provide her with the phone numbers of a few more friends so she can have a "call his friends party"
 
WIN .... Big word .... As long as kids come out ok after this, I will be happy .... I hope they will not need counselling or anything, that is my main worry ....There is a lot I can not talk about here maybe on day once this is all behind me.

My X did the same thing, but by him telling my friends, they got "HIS" side and that's all they believed. Be sure to get your side in to your friends and hopefully they won't be like mine were (they believed every word he said and thought I was lieing).

[birol]

Same thing happening here, the note I received afterwards was a clear cold shoulder coming from my oldest & best friend. I do not care though ...Anyone who selles their friendship so quickly are not real friends, time changes everything .....

I do not blame them in a way, the stories she fabricated are probably extremely believable. Time has a way of balancing things out, I am still young

My X did the same thing, but by him telling my friends, they got "HIS" side and that's all they believed. Be sure to get your side in to your friends and hopefully they won't be like mine were (they believed every word he said and thought I was lieing).

[NightOwl]

I have to agree with Birol, there is not going to be a clear winner in this no matter how it comes out! Best of luck to you Buddy!!!

Cliff, you  and Birol have misunderstood my use of the word "win' and that's my fault (for not being clearer in what I meant by the term he is winning.)

In my book, WINNING is being  able to make a wry remark about her "kindness" in informing their friends of their split, clearly Birol still has some sense of humor left if he can crack a sick joke about what she is doing.   He has maintained his cool pretty well.  He is putting the welfare of his kids first.  MY feeling is that he is winning over those hideous enemies of helplessness and depression and sheer craziness people in a divorce go throiugh.  YES, INDEED, EVERYONE LOSES WHEN THERE IS A DIVORCE, but the battle Birol most needs to win is for his own sanity and the health of his mind and soul.  I believe he has made a good start and I do hope this post has made my meaning much clearer than my first brief remarks.

(My friend Carol went through a really nasty divorce that took forever to finalize and years  later she said to me that she had never known anyone going through an ugly  divorce who was not practically insane the whole time they were going through it and  for months afterward.)

For Birol not to be totally knocked off his pins by this  is certainly one important form of moral victory

[birol]

Me knocked off ? hey I listen (used to) Dr. laure, IT IS WRONG WRONG WRONG hehehe.

Now I know what you mean, indded I misunderstood. yeah I am trying to keep my sanity, my inner happiness, self respect through all this.

I was just chatting with a  friend (camping friend) and he was more sympatethic then the 25 year old friend and lended an ear. Sigh ....... Why do people change so drastically why do we beocme blind ? Why do we lose the curiosity willingness to explore which we had when we were kids ? Where does the inncocence go ?

Oh well, down the drain is the answer .....I gotta listen to Joan baez now , this reminds me her famous song ... guess which one !