I love a good joke...

[AustinBoston]

...and your still living???  What's your secret?

He owns a pop-up, and knows how to set it up alone.

Austin

[ChisholmTrail-er]

Either you're missing something or I'm missing something... :confused:

Read it again!  That's funny!  I think he was even talked about by someone earlier in this thread....

[WilliamsFamily]

A 98 year old preacher lay on his deathbed.  Feebly, he asked to see his accountant and his lawyer.   Both were quickly summoned and stood on each side of the bed, each holding one of his hands.   The old man got a peaceful look on his face as he stared at the ceiling.  The lawyer said,

[ScoobyDoo]

The next year she wanted a swiming pool. I was doing all right there until I told her she had to blow it up.

[lhuff]

My wife wanted something that would go from 0-150 in less than 10 seconds.  I gave her bathroom scales.

[zamboni]

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
 
He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
 
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
 
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
 
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion

[zamboni]

The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk.......

Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL Wakes Up, and Yells at me for staying out so late!"

 His buddy looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say!, 'WHO'S HORNY?!!!' and she acts like she's sound asleep."

It Works Every Time!!

[zamboni]

A BRUNETTE, A REDHEAD & A BLONDE all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early.

One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know?

The next day, they all three left the office right after the boss left.

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the health club before meeting her dinner date.

The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to the bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS.

Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them.

"NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday"

[ChisholmTrail-er]

Why do chicken coops always have two doors and not four?
.
.
.
.
Because if they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans!

[campingcop]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been
married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

 One  afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in  the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

 "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park  a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all  winter

[zamboni]

What's the similarity between a Texas Tornado, and a Tennessee Divorce?

The both end up with somebody losing a trailer...



 :J

[ChisholmTrail-er]

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland "
 
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"
 
The first guy says, "So am I!  And where about from Ireland might you be?"
 
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin , I am."
 
The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin ?"
 
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
 
The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I! So did I!! And to what school would you have been going?"
 
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St.? Mary's of course."
 
The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I.   Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
 
The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."  
 
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us.  I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it?  I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."
 
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
 
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head &  mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight!!!!"  
 
Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"
 
"The Murphy twins are drunk again."

[griffsmom]

I don't have a joke (unless you can count all the ones my 5 y/o tells me that make absolutley no sense whatsoever, but crack him up until he's giggly to no end).  I just wanted to say:

 
ANDREA!  It's so wonderful to see you posting again!! I've been away from the boards for the last couple of months, so I just noticed you're back, but I wanted to let you know that you and Lee have been missed.  I hope you and your brood are all well!!

[Acts 2:38 girl]

Thanks - I spend about a year working full time, so I was never on the computer.  I can barely get on now!  Life is very busy.  Now I'm going to college, schooling the kids at home, and taking a Paralegal class online.  I haven't been on here in about a week or so!  It's good to see you too!  Hopefully we will get a good tax return next week - then we can buy a bigger camper, get a trailer hitch, and join you all for the Rally this year!  
 
[indent]Quote: Originally Posted by Acts 2:38 girl
A man walked into a bar and said "Have people been talking about me?" [/indent]
Either you're missing something or I'm missing something... :confused:


 
NO WAY!!  You really don't get it?
 
It's the famous man from, " A man walks into a bar..."  Haven't you heard any of those jokes?  

[wavery]

Thanks - I spend about a year working full time, so I was never on the computer.  I can barely get on now!  Life is very busy.  Now I'm going to college, schooling the kids at home, and taking a Paralegal class online.  I haven't been on here in about a week or so!  It's good to see you too!  Hopefully we will get a good tax return next week - then we can buy a bigger camper, get a trailer hitch, and join you all for the Rally this year!  
 
[indent]Quote: Originally Posted by Acts 2:38 girl
A man walked into a bar and said "Have people been talking about me?" [/indent]
Either you're missing something or I'm missing something... :confused:


 
NO WAY!!  You really don't get it?
 
It's the famous man from, " A man walks into a bar..."  Haven't you heard any of those jokes?  

Oh.........now I get it....... :rolleyes: