A December to Remember...rather forget tho..

[SheBantam]

This has been one heck of a month, I have been dreading Christmas and all the added confusion.

1. Jeffrey kept getting suspensions from school, so we did not do our usual out of town trip for Thanksgiving. So December started on a low note.
2. We had to admit Jeffrey into a partial program at a local psychiatric center because of his acting out and other behavior problems at school.
3. Jeffrey got "released" from the program yseterday because he would not cooperate and participate.
4. Sunday night one step-daughter calls us and tells us that her husband told her that he has been sleeping with her twin sister.
5. Last night about 9 PM a police lady and a Child Protective worker stopped by...not about Jeffrey.
Raymond was supposed to have picked up his granson from daycare, dropped him off a construction site on US 13 in New Castle, then when Justin was playing with some of the heavy equipment, Raymond supposedly hit him in the head.
 a). We live in New Castle DE Justin was at his sitters in Lexington Park MD. IF Raymond had picked him up at daycare, to drop him off at the construction site between 4:30 and 5:00 PM Monday, he would not have gone to work. Lexington Park is near Point Lookout SP in MD, 3 1/2 to 4 hours in good traffic. That makes that a 7 to 8 or more hour round trip.
 b). The child's mother works for a small construction company doing work at Pax River NAS in Lexington Park, MD, no contracts in DE that we know of. His sitter's husband works for the same small company
 c). We honestly do not know her address as she just moved earlier this month into a rental MH. We do not now what company she works for.

Boy am I glad I set my foot down last weekend about house guests. This mother and child were planning on us providing the total Christmas for them (food, gifts and all in return she would take out the trash now and again and give us the priviledge of babysitting so she could sleep all day. let me cook and clean and hear the child tell me "I don't like that" to everything except French Frys and whine because I cook real food.) I am sure that his father thought they were at our house for the holiday.

I am hoping that next year (a week or so away) will be better for all of
us.
Oh by the way, Raymond DID NOT pick his grandson up from a daycare, there are several construction sites in the area Raymond was supposed to have dropped him off at. And Raymond has NEVER hit this child...now it is a matter of proving all this.

[tlhdoc]

Wow Paula what a December.  Sorry to hear that Jeffrey is giving you and having such a hard time.  I hope he wakes up and realizes that he can not continue the way he has been.  Who said that Raymond hit the child, the father?  Was the child really hit by anyone and where is he now?  I wasn't impressed with your stepSIL at the RJ Ranch last year.  What a JERK he is.  How is your step daughter doing?  Is she going to leave him?  

I hope you can pull a Merry Christmas out of the mess you are in.  Take care and we will keep you in our prayers.

[Gone-Camping]

What a shocker, especially with Jeffery! I've always got the impression that he was a well adjusted kid....

 
Sorry to hear about Raymonds ordeal, but with distances as you described, I somehow think he'll come through it with flying colors!

[birol]

Sorry to hear about Jeffrey, he looked like a nice kid at the Rally last year. I hope he will see the light soon and correct himself.

[SheBantam]

Thanks guys and gals.

As far as we know no one hit this child. He is way down in MD. His father (not the jerk at RJ Ranch), is a truck driver and a piece of work. He is hiding from MD and MI authorities so he does not have to pay about a thousand a month in Child Support. Sharon was given a choice in MI to leave him or they (Child prtoective in MI) would take the child, things were so bad. She has been in and out of shelters for 3 years, when not in a shelter, she mooches off friends and relatives. She is rentinga traielr now with the help of the State of MD. We will see how long she can be responsible. She was kicked out of one shelter because they have a deal with Food and B|Nutrition (Food Stamp Feds) to be able to take part of the FS to reimburse for food since they supply 2 of the three meals and provided food for sack lunches. She refused to give them any of her FS. She was getting about max for 2 people and getting virtually all of her meals provided.

The SIL that is messing around is the one you met, the one with the colorful body. He told his wife that she was not taking care of herself and was too busy for him (yeah, taking care of her "depressed" sister's son so she could sleep all day as well as her wown 3 kids).

Jeffrey has been a handful since he turned about 3 (terrible twos were too easy, I knew that at the time). It has steadily gotten worse.

I WANT TO GO CAMPING!!! WAAAAA  WAAAAA

[brainpause]

Gee. What can I say. I hope things get better.

Larry

[Acts 2:38 girl]

Wow!  Paula you really have your hands full!  We'll be praying for you too.  Nothing is so big that it can seperate us from the love of God.  That is a real comfort when you really need him to put his "arms" around you.  Sometimes peace can really come when you dump everything on God lap and say, "Here you go, I can't deal with this - Your God and your shoulders are big enough to carry all this"  He loves you Paula, and that's exactly what He wants you to do.  I think especailly as woman we tend to want to carry every burden ourselves - it's what we are supposed to do (who made up that rule?? :rolleyes: )  But what an AWESOME relief it is to let Him take it from you because you know it will all work out perfectly - which doesn't always, and hardly ever, means our way!!
Good-luck Sweetie - it'll pass too!  :M

[B-flat]

Wow! Talk about Holiday Stress. I hope you are doing better now.  I would want to be off on a camping trip somewhere and just having a good time without a worry in the world.  Don't let situations cause you a lot of pain or worry.  It will all work out in due time.

[tlhdoc]

Paula any updates?

[Acts 2:38 girl]

I was just think of you and wondering how all this was turning out?  Are you holding up?

[SheBantam]

I wrote this once went back accidently and lost the writing, so here goes again:

Jeffrey got discharged from the Phsyciatric center's partial program because they could not help him.  He would not participate in the groups and he wanted to be class clown.

He started back to his regular HS Monday, on Tuesday he was suspended for 5 days and they are looking for an alternative school.  Of course it was not his fault that he had word with a teacher, then walked home after first period. Nope that was the teacher's and the school's fault.  Yeah right, on whose planet.

I had a bad cold or the flu during my vacation from Christmas through the weekend after New Years. But life was still NOT a piece of cake.

Right after Christmas (I think it was Sunday) Donna confronted Sharon about what happened with Donna's husband, Sharon said that it was not consentual and used the "R" word. This put Donna into hysterics as she was upset enough about what had happened but was really shook up over this. Kim said no and gave Donna all the nitty gritty details, where when and where she was at the time.  

Monday Raymond took the cell phone to work so he could help hold Donna together between client, he did not want her calling me since I had a fever and was feeling really really bad. Raymond works for DSS and a client ahd come in to apply for some benefits, Raymond went to make copies and when he came back and wanted to call Donna after the client left, the cell phone was gone, they did a search of his office.

He called me, I came down looked a little more and drove him to the main DSS office so we could get permission to call the police. this was a client who was the ONLY person with oppurtunity to pick up the phone and all information about clients is confidential.  We got the permission AFTER I got ahold of the number several times and was told to quit ahrrassing the person as he had just bought this phone. Then I asked for the person we were filing the report against, by name, and the man was stunned and handed the phone to someonelse.  They wanted me to pay them $100 to return the phone. Not on your life.  We got the permission, went home, called and had the phone shut off. Called the police, it took them between 3 and 4 hours to call us back.  

I found out a few days later that no only had they suspended raymond's number, but had suspended mine too. I took the police report into Verizon and told them that I could not use my phone either. He reactivated the phone told me it would take a few minutes.  A few minutes went by and still no phone. I *611 the next AM and found that they had activated the stolen phone.  They reactivated mine and re-inactivated the stolen phone. We went to an independent Verizon dealer and got a new phone for $100 less than radio Shack who was less than Verizon. This time I put insurance on the phone.

Back to Donna.  She is still with Kim. I had to go into "square headed" dutchman mode and have laid him out verbally, virtually.  I do not like being or even appearing angry. I am not an angry person. But I got Kim thinking and for the time being is doing a lot better.  I have explained to him that trust is earned, he hurt and betrayed Donna, he is going to have to change if he wants her to forgive and trust him, this will take time and will be a continuing thing.  he has agreed to let her go camping with us some this summer, without him. I informed him that Donna and the kids were invited, but NOT Kim.
He needed to do things with her, liKe dinners and a movie now and then.  That all those tatoos he keeps getting is to see someting he considers beautiful because he hates the person he sees in the mirror.  I was angry, but evidently came really close to the truth.  I am no longer angry, this is a sad man who wants everyone else as miserable as he is (I hope that it is not in the water around where he if from originally, My mother and her father are both just like him and they are from about 20 miles of each other, one of my co-worker's father is from that area and he is miserable too all these people have found spouses that are door mats and will take the verbal abuse).

If any of you gals want to e-mail her some encouragement, Kim did bring the family into the 21rst Century by getting a computer and an e-mail address. Please e-mail me through PUT and i will forward you her e-mail.  She needs to have her confidence and self esteem built up. And contact with other women who are self assured enough to want to communicate with her, cannot do anything but help.

I am doing better, I think. I think being angry with Kim was helpful in getting some of the other family frustrations out of my system...

[brainpause]

Wow Paula. You will continue to be in my prayers.

Larry

[NightOwl]

Paula, it sounds like everyone is using you for their life preserver.  Just remember, there is a limit to the weight a life preserver can support, and  stop now and then to make sure you are keeping yourself safely  afloat--your first  responsiblity is to yourself no matter how much you care about others and their welfare.  You cannot help anyone else if you yourself  are  "injured"or exhausted  in body, mind, or spirit.  

Prayer  can be a great help.   Not just because it puts you in direct touch with God, but because in praying, you also have to stop and be quiet  and   listen TO YOURSELF.

Have you ever considered  asking people with troubles to give you a little time off?  I dont at all  mean this in a cold or uncaring way, but  sometimes, people--knowing you love and suppport them--will try harder to reach a solution if they know they cant always use someone who loves them for a crutch.

And does Jeffrey perhaps have an unidentified learning  problem?  Has he been tested carefully for this LATELY?  Hormonal changes at puberty really can do a number on all sorts of "systems"  including  parts of the brain.  We know of a couple of youngsters this happened to.  Although they had formerly always been good kids who did well in school,    in early adolescence, they began developing many problems in school and in behaviour in general, They were tested extensively, and after their learning disabilities were identified,  greatly helped with a combination of counseling, medication, and tutoring.

[SheBantam]

And does Jeffrey perhaps have an unidentified learning  problem?  Has he been tested carefully for this LATELY?  Hormonal changes at puberty really can do a number on all sorts of "systems"  including  parts of the brain.  We know of a couple of youngsters this happened to.  Although they had formerly always been good kids who did well in school,    in early adolescence, they began developing many problems in school and in behaviour in general, They were tested extensively, and after their learning disabilities were identified,  greatly helped with a combination of counseling, medication, and tutoring.

Thanks for the prayers, My life perserver is plant tightly around me, I had the same conversation about prayer wuth Donna the other night.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, that was why I had no one over for Christmas, could not deal with the stress. Took the week off after Christmas, wanted to go see my mom and the stabbed son, but the flu kept me vegging and quiet, I think that was the best life perserver I could have gotten. No one expeced anything out of me ( I am of the school that says, if you can, let the fever (if not too high) run it's course and the illnesss will leave quicker. And for me, this works.) since I had a fever and looked horrible.  I probably scared the Verizon guys when I went in for the new cell phone.

Raymond is not one who handles this kind of stress well. He came from a dysfunctional family and reaised a dysfunctional first family. Their mother is in Germany, and really has nothing to do with them.

[NightOwl]

Paula, it sounds like you are handling many  tough problems  with common sense and  as much wisdom as anyone could hope for under these circumstances.  I know from some of our "talks" that you have faced other obstacles  in your life and have overcome them successfully.  You are a strong person and I have no doubt that you will make it through this rough time, too.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.