Unwritten Rules #4: Getting a Good Night's Sleep

[AustinBoston]

This is fourth in a series of tongue-in-cheek posts on items you will not read about in any camping guide.

In case you missed 1-3, here are links to them:

#1, Backing Into Difficult Sites
#2, The Heartbreak of Hookups
#3, Fun with Camp Cooking

So you have the pop-up parked in the perfect site.  There's a gentle breeze blowing, keeping things from being too warm.  All is peaceful, and after a cold one or two, you head for the bunk for the best night's sleep in a long time.

It's a great way to spend a long weekend, or to enjoy the restful nights of an entire week of vacation.  You get to return home rejuvenated and very well rested.

That's what you think.

While there are times when everything just comes together and you can sleep like a baby, there are definitely times when it all goes wrong.

Basically, there are four categories of things that prevent a good night's sleep.  The first is mother nature, the second is human wildlife, the third is variations in the human clock, and the fourth is the pop-up itself.

I'm going to start with the third, because the others draw heavily from that.

The Human Clock

We humans basically come in four sleep flavors.  The Night Owls that stay up late and sleep in, the Morning Eagles that go to bed early and get up before dawn, The House Cats that sleep all the time, and the Tom Cats that never sleep.

The problems start when people with very different clocks camp near each other.  This happens in every campground with more than four campers in it.  Someone wants to stay up until midnight talking, while someone else wants to go to bed a nine.  Nobody's trying to disturb anyone else, but there's enough noise to make truly restful sleep difficult.  Eventually, those night owls go to bed, and long before the night owl is done sleeping, the eagles rise.  The aroma of coffee or bacon makes it difficult to stay asleep, and there are sounds (not loud, mind you) from pots and pans that just keep waking the night owls.

Now the other two groups.  The always sleepers are kept up by both groups, and the never sleepers are keeping up both groups.  Guaranteed, when you really are looking forward to a good night's sleep, someone in the wrong group will occupy the site next to yours.  Of course, whenever you are trying to sleep, someone, somewhere, is going to forget (or maybe just loose their grip) and a screen door will slam.

Mother Nature

Mother nature doesn't want you to sleep.  She has a bewildering array of things she can use to keep you awake.  Some of them are quite soothing...for a while.  Others are always annoying.  

We loved being awakened by the yipping and howling coyotes one night, within 25 feet (or less) of our camper.   It was charming the second time.  And the third, with the pups trying, with all their might, to sound as grown up as mom.  And the fourth.  Thankfully, they only woke us five times, because it was threatening to wear thin.

Other things that have awakened us (or kept us awake) include bugling elk, barred owls, a huge flock of crows, and various noisy bugs.  The Bugs got so noisy in Crater of Diamonds State Park (Arkansas) that come bed time, we had to shout to be heard INSIDE the pop-up.  It was similar on a camping trip in Pennsylvania, where the loud buzz of some bugs way up in the trees prevented normal conversation.  On the Pennsylvania trip, the crows apparently found an owl in the early morning, because we woke at dawn (about 4:30 AM) to hundreds of them just overhead.

Bugs and animals aren't the only thing mother nature can use.  How about gusting winds or heavy thunder?  At Farewell Bend SP on the Oregon trail in eastern Oregon, the winds blew all night long.  DD had decided to sleep in a tent that night (too much togetherness with her sister).  She gave up when the wind pulled up the tent stakes and started rolling the tent...with her in it.  Oh, sure, you can sleep through that.

On another occasion, (this was in New Brunswick) there was so much lightening, you could read by it.  Just imagine the thunder that went with it.  I've never heard so much noise.  Now imagine trying to sleep through it.

Oh, and then there's sunrise.  Remember that window you left open so you could watch the moon rise or catch a little breeze?  Well now the sun is rising, and its dagger-like beams are aimed at your eyes.  Sleep be gone.

Let's not forget mother nature's most common weapon for interrupting sleep, the call of nature.  Many a good night's sleep was interrupted by the midnight run, only to find that sleep has fled the scene when you get back to the camper.

Human Wildlife

Mother nature isn't the only form of wildlife.  Practically everyone has had to deal with (or put up with) campers who simply didn't believe in quiet hours or common courtesy.  They come in various forms, but generally start out on their second six-pack when you are on your second brew.  By the time you are turning in for the night, they are turning up for the night.  Loud music, loud engines, loud attitudes, and loud profanity are the trademarks of this all-to-common form of wildlife.  So much for the good night's sleep.  Other, more subtle forms are the five year old who's scared, or thirsty, or has to go potty, and the guy in the next camper over who snores loud enough to wake half the county.  We won't even mention when IT gets noisy (in a nearby pop-up or tent, of course).

The pop-up itself

Believe it or not, that trusty pop-up is one of the worst sleep-robbers going.  How many times have you just drifted off to have the water pump come on for two seconds?  Then there's the furnace.  It seems to wait until you are too cold to sleep before turning on.  If you turn it up, it will run until you are too hot to sleep.  When you are finally relaxed and drifting away, you'll hear that click, and the fan will come on, meaning the furnace is going to rumble for a while.  This problem isn't limited to cold weather.  Air conditioners can make plenty of noise themselves.

Have you ever laid down on a nice comfortable bed, only to wake up on a piece of plywood?  I don't know why, but pop-up bunks seem to be like that.  If you don't believe me, just ask how many people have put additional foam pads on or under their mattresses.  If you really want to sleep, the bunk will be as hard as a rock by about 2 AM.

Just a few more things:
* No matter how you try to stabilize the thing, you will feel the whole camper move every time someone rolls over.
* That convenient easy-on, easy-off campground is within site of the interstate, with its trucks zooming past all night long at 85 miles per hour.
* If it's a little farther away, then there'll be a downgrade so they have to use their engine brakes.
* Somebody

[debbiedee1957]

You need to write a book...honestly it would be a best seller!  Too funny...actually if it wasn't all so true it would be hilarious!!!!

[mike4947]

Austin, that's what they make Walkman's and afternoon naps for.

[tlhdoc]

Austin another grand writing.  Thanks for the laugh and keep them coming.

[dee106]

watch out we have a lot of newbies here, you might frighten them away instead of the bears!

[Joe Gleason]

There are times when the noises are to much (50% of the time)...

When eletric is present we run electric heated fans...

A gentle radio with a FAN... does the trick for all but the most obnoixous noises... (then it's early AM payback and a note on the window as you leave the park) - signed john smith ...

[Catonsville Camper]

"...and there are sounds (not loud, mind you) from pots and pans that just keep waking the night owls."

from a Morning Eagle.......I didn't think I was that noising with the cookware!

Love it Austin!  Keep writing.

[jawilson]

I'm always amazed at just how good these are. I've even compiled them and sent them off to other people. Good stuff. :#

[Camping Coxes]

We won't even mention when IT gets noisy (in a nearby pop-up or tent, of course).

Oooooops.  Sorry.  A belated apology to my fellow campers :eek: :J
 
You left out the bodily noises that somehow get heard throughout the campground, and the arguing spouses.  And I just love them parents that let their younguns run loose in the campground at 7 AM so the parents can continue sleeping in!:mad: