I love a good joke...

[zamboni]

Ok, a few Lawyer jokes.

What's the definition of "Wasted Space"?

- An empty seat, in a bus load of lawyers going over a cliff.

**

Why don't snakes ever bite lawyers?

- Professional Courtesy

**

What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

- A darn good start.

**

A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.

A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"

The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"

[wavery]

I just got this pic from my daughter

[ChisholmTrail-er]

Wayne,
I may be going out on a limb here, but one or the other of them may be about to have a baby...

 :p

[campingcop]

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables,horseshoe
courts, and some orange and grapefruit trees.

The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was
built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughingwith glee.

As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women
skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep
end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you
leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the
alligator."

Old men can still think fast...........

[wavery]

I just got this pic from my daughter

Early June............If the snow melts :p .

Gandkid #13

[campingcop]

I woke early one morning
the earth lay cool and still.
When suddenly a tiny bird
perched on my window sill.

He sang a song so lovely
so carefree and so gay.
That slowly all my troubles
began to slip away.

He sang of far off places...
of laughter and of fun.
It seemed his very trilling
brought up the morning sun.

I stirred beneath the covers
crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
and crushed his little head!!!

I'm Not a Morning Person

[wavery]

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY
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My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What was I thinking?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

H ow could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you .

I've changed my mind.

--------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

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//////////////////////////////////////////

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

####################################################

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

****************************************************************************
****

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

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//////////////////////////////////////////

We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

=====================================================

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

[lwbfl]

An old  farmer had just lost everything except his pickup and popup to the bank.   He hooked packed his PUP and headed for his favorite area in the mountains, unsure of what to do.  While he was setting up, he noticed something sticking out of the ground  next to his camper.  When the farmer dug it out, it appeared to be an old oil lamp.  As he was wiping it off, a genie suddenly appeared!