I love a good joke...

[Kelly]

What did one snowman say to the other?   :frosty:
Do you smell carrots?

and

Did you hear the one about the man who walked into a bar and said "ouch!"?

[AustinBoston]

An observant woman died one day, and found herself waiting in the long line
for judgment.

As she stood there, she noticed that some souls were allowed to march right
through the pearly gates into heaven. Others, though, were led over to
Satan, who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of
hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul into a small pile
off to one side.

After watching Satan do this several times, the woman's curiosity got the
best of her. So she strolled over to find out what the devil he was doing.
"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," she said. "I'm waiting my turn for
judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people
aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?"

"Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Seattle, they're
too wet to burn!"

Austin

[lhuff]

A horse goes into a bar.  The bartender said "Why the long face?"

Larry

[campingcop]

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant -
first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up
because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because
he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

 Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and
forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer
asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

 "Oh I don't care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't
even have an air conditioner."

[ScoobyDoo]

Cajun Math as taught in Louisiana.
A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes
a little math test.
"Here's your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers,
represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" the Cajun says. "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to
draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"'Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.
"Fair Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question
  Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture that he has
just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to
represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree.
Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's actually going to have to hire this Cajun,
so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the
number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more; then he picks up the picture again
and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
(Thought you'd like this one.)
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred... "So, when I start?"

[campingcop]

http://www.jillsjokeline.com/redneckgrill.shtml

You can find them at any supper Market

[ChisholmTrail-er]

The Invisible Man and the Invisible Woman hooked up, got married and got busy having a family.

Their kids were pretty smart, but they weren't anything to look at.

[AustinBoston]

The Invisible Man and the Invisible Woman hooked up, got married and got busy having a family.

Their kids were pretty smart, but they weren't anything to look at.

I don't see your point

Austin

[wavery]

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you kin be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it." "Well,"
said the big 'gator, What you been eatin' boy?"

"Politicians, same as you," replied the small 'gator.

"Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?" "Down 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by the capitol."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexuses and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem.You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a Politician, there ain't nothin' left but an asshole and a briefcase."

[ChisholmTrail-er]

Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Paddy's Day?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because real rocks get soooo heavy!

[Acts 2:38 girl]

There once were two skunks; one named 'In" and one named 'Out." When Out was in, In was out, and when Out was out, In was in. One day, Out was in and In was out, and Mother skunk said 'Out, I want you to go out and bring In in." Out quickly went outside and almost immediately returned with In. Mother skunk was AMAZED and gasped "How did you DO that so quickly?"
"Easy," said Out. "In stinked."

[Acts 2:38 girl]

A man walked into a bar and said "Have people been talking about me?"

[AustinBoston]

A man walked into a bar and said "Have people been talking about me?"

Either you're missing something or I'm missing something... :confused:

[ScoobyDoo]

Afew years back I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said something to make her look sexy.  I got her a exercycle.

[batsignal2]

Afew years back I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said something to make her look sexy.  I got her a exercycle.

...and your still living???  What's your secret?